Candy

Numerous times
I believed in something
that didn't even exist...

Blindly following
fake smiles and lies
sealed with a kiss...

Words are spoken
never to be believed
awaiting the diss...

Pretzels and ice cream
the salty and sweet
sugar coated bliss.

Gates

With spring around the corner
will I find new life -
because I feel so down
dealing with constant strife...

I am trying to see sunshine
and appreciate each day -
But sometimes it is easier
to keep the sun far away...

I hide in my turmoil
then drown in my tears -
questioning what I have left
and how many more years...

I don't see much hope
why should I even care -
I am just existing 
sick and tired of being there. 

 

Tidal Waves

I can't save the world
I can just abide -
I couldn't even keep
my precious dog alive...

I can't be a savior
or heal the dying -
I can't prolong life
or stop all the crying...

I can only be the best
person I can be -
and believe in my heart
there is eternity...

Where all of this mess
will drift far away -
I will try my best
to live each day...

Striving to be someone
that others will see -
I care about them more
that I care about me...

and bring a smile
to those that are broken -
lifting them up with
gentle words spoken.

Deafening

Now what
I supposed it is me -
why can't I 
leave it all be... 

Maybe it's time
to kick the can -
the wrong place
is wherever I am...

It never works out
only for a time -
nothing is really
meant to be mine...

quiet as a mouse
hidden away -
closing the door
as I walk away.

Pack Up Already

Here I sit just
two weeks in -
it seems that 
I can not win...

I'm very sick and
on my own -
Yet, I'm happy
to be all alone...

This year has been
a crappy start -
my dog died
and broke my heart...

Now I sit with
some kind of  flu -
I wish I could
just make it true...

Finally move to
the salty air -
because I am over
and do not care...

to live here
even one more day  -
I need to finally
move far away.

Prayers

I stand alone
and from afar -
way away from 
where they are...

I've always been
quite intrigued -
though to them 
I mean nothing...

but I longed
to go there when -
I was young
about to begin...

My favorite trip
was the PCH -
I'd go back
I wouldn't hesitate...

My prayers
are lifted there -
Broke or rich
I truly care.

Frostbite

There's only one set of paw prints
when there should be two -
it's now been a week
since I devastatingly lost you...

The snow comes down
I wish you were here to see -
I know you'd run around
searching for squirrels under your tree...

I am so heart broken
can you hear me call your name -
I have accepted my life
will never be the same...

No one will ever
understand how I feel -
I keep waking up 
wishing this wasn't real...

My love my angel
I need you next to me -
Just like the weather
I am left cold and so icy.

Jingles

I'll head home
you won't be there -
I'll search for you
everywhere...

Buddy will whine
and look around -
but my baby
won't be found...

I will endure
another night -
missing you
tucked in tight..

So many things
we did every day -
now I cry
the night away.

Cutting Pain

Facing the day
I wish it wasn't true -
I'm about to head home
and there won't be you...

Watching you die 
is haunting my heart -
I am in disbelief 
I am torn apart...

I have to go on 
with responsibilities -
I hope that you knew
what you meant to me...

I just keep breathing
but all is so dark -
it is hard to live
with a broken heart. 

Given Up

Let the yard grow over
let the house fall apart -
let all of my surroundings
match the state of my heart...

Let the world stop turning
let my life fade away -
I don't see me wanting
to enjoy another day...

So many loves I have lost
time is only cruel -
I have nothing left in me
I have no more fuel...

I don't care to rise up
and face the week ahead -
I literally hope inside my soul
that I can now be dead.

Sasha Blue

Like a beautiful ray of happiness
she left as fast as she came -
and I know in my broken heart
life will never be the same...

I've had her since she was eight weeks old
and loved her with all of my heart -
the fact that she is already gone
is painful and has broken my heart...

How will I ever go on
as I keep on breaking down -
When I sit in our special places
it kills me she is not around...

I don't understand why this happened
why did she have to go-
there was so much life left to live
I guess I will never know...

I hope somehow she feels that I
am devasted and love her so -
Oh my baby, my precious pup
why did you have to go.  

Tear Drops to Heaven

I wish I could call you
but you are gone now too -
I am feeling hopeless
and don't know what to do...

You always made me see
sad things from your view -
you always made it better
and helped me to pull through...

I need your honest humor
and voice to make me smile -
I need to sit on the patio
and visit for a while...

I hope that she found you
and together you will be -
in that place of paradise
waiting patiently for me.

Broken Heart

While everybody lives
I'll just die away -
I don't think I can take
living another day...

No more heartache
no more tears galore -
I don't even know
what I'm on earth for...

Just one more thing
to tear me into -
I should realize
this is nothing new...

Feeling so down
feeling torn apart -
just go on and take it
I don't need a heart. 

My Girl

Can I? Will I? 
I don't know...

Why did my baby
have to go...

She held on as 
best she could -

I did all they
said I should...

Now all have is a
ball of her hair...

I hold it close because
she's not there...

There is nothing else
I could do...

My heart is broken
right into.

Torn Apart

No one will ever
feel like I do -
I don't even know
if I'll pull through...

I reach out my hand
to touch her fury face -
she was always beside me
that was her place...

How will I get through
this horrible pain -
what was the purpose
what did it gain...

She still had life
I tried in vain -
why is she gone
nothing is the same...

My heart is shattered
my stomach in knots -
my head is pounding
with depressing thoughts...

This is just horribly
terribly sad -
I'm torn apart
and yes I'm mad...

My precious girl
I'll love you till I die -
Let your ghost visit me
as I lay here and cry.

Gut Punch

While the world celebrates
I'll sit here with my tears -
It is another heartbreak
and all of my worst fears...

There is nothing I can do
as once again I see -
it is inevitable 
as she lies next to me...

The scar on my body
will last through my life -
but it is not as large
as the heartbreak of goodbye...

I pray for a miracle
I beg for health to return -
I suppose this is the price
when will I ever learn...

Love is full of pain
and only a matter of time -
until what you loved
has left you behind.

Helpless

Trying to keep it
together again -
as I battle this
sadness within...

Wondering why
she fell so ill -
Questioning always
how does she feel...

Can she hold on
and end up ok -
will this illness
please go away...

I can't lose another
love of my life -
this year has been
such deathly strife...

Please get well
I love you so -
Precious Sasha
please don't go. 

Windows

I never hold on
I just look back -
to those moments
that I now lack...

I visit like a ghost
just drifting bye -
no attention needed
no reason to try...

I revisit times
that are far away -
none of it matters
in the current day...

Maybe I looked up
to people that I knew -
not realizing what
I would go through...

but I was there
in a distant memory -
remembering what
will never again be.

December Rain

I'm doing all I can
to keep you alive - 
My only wish is
that you survive...

I miss you and
that personality -
I'm begging you 
not to leave me...

Many fun times
lay out ahead -
Many warm nights
snuggled in bed...

We need you here
for the dynamic duo -
get well my baby
please don't go.

Exit Door

I don't belong
anywhere -
Not over here
not over there...

It is always
one more thing -
with all the chores
that my life brings...

Running around
in all directions -
with my choices 
as my reflections...

Regrets always
make their way -
as I live this life
one more day.

 

Spears

When cut 
over and over
the scar tissue heals...

It becomes 
so tough
you can no longer feel...

It's almost
as if
it is void of pain...

That area 
will never
feel the same...

Rip off
the band aid
and throw it away...

You never
deserved
to be hurt that way.

Blessed

I literally love him
more than anything -
when I see him arrive
what joy it brings...

He's so adorable
and precious too -
he's my angel
through and through...

He brings his dog
and hangs for awhile -
he makes me laugh
he makes me smile...

the best blessing
I've ever had -
is my sweet son
and I'm so glad...

that he is here
and I'm able to say -
thank you God
for another day!

Toll Roads

I don't want to
but I will -
because that is
the real deal...

If you want money
you play the part -
if you want love
you give your heart...

It's a transaction
no matter who -
it's up to you
what you do...

life is just
a trading game -
you learn the tricks
or you go insane...

but you must always
follow through -
because your future
depends on you. 

Exhale

Sometimes
it's hard to see -
life has blessings
meant to be...

Appreciated
especially for -
giving hope
and expecting more...

So don't forget
to be grateful -
Try to eliminate
all the hateful...

People and things
that bring you down -
never keep 
negativity around...

Make choices 
that bring you peace -
giving stress
complete release.

Hopeless

Wounded
so many times - 
Tears abide from
heartache crimes...

Searching
never to see -
what to choose
what is to be...

Lost
never found -
eventually 
they're not around...

Wasting
days and nights -
hoping it
will be alright...

Dreaming
so far away -
it's the same story
on a different day.

Hollow

There are those
that have no light -
their souls are 
as dark as night...

They have no joy
no friendly smiles -
all their words are 
of their trials...

Don't let them take
away your grace -
or the happiness
from your face...

Ignore their words
just walk away -
and then enjoy 
your happy day.  

Check Mark

These goals set
within my mind
include only me...

They are not meant
for anyone else
to decide or see...

I put the pressure
where it belongs
that only I know...

Accomplishing
my intentions
watching myself grow...

My heads held high
no time to stop
for negativity...

I am too busy
on my path 
to create a better me.

 

Just Why?

She was here
this time last year -
now she's gone 
and it is clear...

We will never
laugh again -
I don't know how
and don't know when...

This bond we have
could ever sever -
because our bond 
goes on forever...

Laughter, tears
and in between -
the things we did
and things we've seen...

Makes me miss you
that much more -
You are loved 
that is for sure!
 

Breeze

You are different
you matter to me -
I don't know how
to make you see...

That I care what
becomes of you -
and I will do 
what you need me to...

I'm there for you
you're there for me -
we are soulmates
for eternity...

Nothing can break
our strange little bond -
even if one of us
is dead and gone...

We had the time
of our lives together -
and you will be
in my heart forever.

Lullaby

I'll live my life without you
just as I did before -
soon I'll grow accustom
to being single and unsure...

You were a special segment
but now it's torn away -
I must put the pieces back
and live now day by day...

Another endless heartache
another teardrop gone -
but I know I've got the strength
I know I can go on...

Your love I'll soon forget
I'll bury it so deep -
it will never haunt me
it I will not keep...

So now it all has ended
the heaven and the hell -
the best to both our futures
and all that time will tell.

Magic

Music is like
a time machine -
it takes you back
in a daydream...

All of the sudden
you're ten again -
remembering exactly
what happened then...

You see the moment
you feel the air -
you're alive again
as you were there...

Drifting back
to that moment in time -
as the music fills up
you soul and mind.

Hollow

I will just keep it
all inside -
and find my trusty 
hole to hide...

because I know
in reality -
it is all left 
up to me...

Silence echos 
in my ears -
to care less evens
out my fears...

because I've learned
it is not there -
and I've learned
to never care.

Patio Nights

I think of you
frequently -
do you ever
think of me...

Deep inside
I hope you know -
it was hard
to watch you go...

You made me laugh
and made me cry -
when we said
the final goodbye...

But just because
it wasn't me -
I truly hope
you are happy.
 

Green Light

I do admit 
it gives me pause -
seeing the scary
turbulent cause...

sends me in a
different direction -
with a lot of 
tough reflection...

If it is not
meant to be there -
then I wonder
exactly where...

I should be
or I should go -
and how I will
ever know?

Midnight

The curtains close
the clock is stopped -
the wood floor creaks
during the walk...

Demons hover
angels soar high -
the key turns quietly
as they die...

Sharp shards cut
the bloody flow -
secrets buried 
no one will know...

history hides
beneath the dirt -
as the haunted live
walking the earth.

 

Mascara

Save it for 
the ride home -
save it until
you are alone...

You can let it
all out then -
by yourself
at least till ten...

Where you can
hide in privacy -
and let the tears
all flow freely.

Covers

Tears rim my eyes
as I feel defeated -
so many times
I have repeated...

Choices that kill
and clog my mind -
with people who are
rude and unkind...

I feel mistakes
have ruined my hope -
I find it difficult 
just to cope...

I don't hold belief
in anything here -
as I watch all
happiness disappear.

Dial Tone

Things are about to get
completely real -
I'm about to express
exactly how I feel...

What I will put up with
what I won't do -
what I have decided 
I will pursue...

I have one shot
and this is my time -
I will dictate
what will be mine...

I don't need anyone
ever at all -
my life, my choices
and my call.

Lighthouse

Well here it is
it's been a year -
I'm kind of shocked
that I'm still here...

There is good
and there is bad -
I suppose it's better
than what I had...

Some things loom
in front of me -
All I can do 
is wait and see...

if the dream
becomes reality -
and that vision
comes to be.

Angels

You would be
in your twenties now -
if the outcome had been
different somehow...

I wonder what
you would have been -
if that had not  
happened then...

The bathroom blood
my agonizing cries -
the trip up the mountain
when I heard your goodbye...

It was traumatic
it tore me into -
I felt the guilt of
not cherishing you...

Because when I did
and became aware -
it was too late
you were no longer there...

I pray from my heart
the sign was true - 
Don't worry mommy
I'll look after you.

Higher Roads

I'll work on my own
patience and empathy -
I'll try to snuff out anger
and offer sympathy...

Behind closed doors
everyone lives their life -
no one else knows 
their problems and strife...

So once again I will
choose to rise above -
and try to fill this world 
with happiness and love...

Maybe I will make
someone else feel good -
being the kind of person
that I believe I should.

AND?

I believe in me
I don't need you
to do that too...

I wonder to myself
do you even
believe in you...

People come and
then they go
this much is true...

but caring at all
what you think
I assure I will never do.

Outta Here

I don't know why
you're always so rude -
but I'm pretty sick of
your salty attitude...

You create things
to complain about -
you're a miserable person
inside no doubt...

I've decided to
completely ignore you -
I'll always avoid
ever having to do...

anything where 
you might be -
I do not appreciate
how you treat me...

I don't want you 
as any kind of friend -
so go be hateful elsewhere
this is my end.

Tone

Will I make it
I will see -
because sometimes
I want to flee...

from the faces
and monotony -
that I deal with
almost daily...

Little things
are built way high -
watching the clock
slowly go by...

I couldn't care
when or why -
I walk away 
and say goodbye.
.

Rose Petals

It is always hitting
out of the blue...
but our dear Lisa
We all miss you...

Every day you 
cross my mind -
and I remember
this or that time...

It's a physical pain 
I'm sure we all feel -
how do we cope
how do we heal...

I often wonder what
your last thoughts were -
I wonder why 
there was no cure...

It breaks all of
our hearts into -
why dear God
did it have to be you?

 

Bonds

When I am gone
it will be the same way -
with everyone living 
day to day...

Only a few
will really care -
remembering when
you were there...

So keep close
your chosen few -
who you love
and who loves you.

 

Flutter

Does an angel carry you
gently on her wings -
do you kneel before God
while the angels sing...

Are your ancestors there
or friends that you knew -
Is it like a vivid dream 
with a heavenly hue...

What are the heavens 
beyond what it shows -
it's a complete mystery
no human can know...

We trust and believe
but it's sobering too -
when your body dies 
what becomes of you?

Friends Forever

Remember the night
we spilled the whole tray -
that poor waitress
working that day...

Or when you jumped my fence
and said call your mom -
as I worried about Brandon
while I was working and gone...

Or when I broke my fingers
leaving your place -
you called the next day laughing
with love and grace...

Or when Jared saved Garrett
with the abdominal thrust -
and then he kept on eating because
your potato salad was a must...

Or when you taught us all
about planting plants -
after hanging out and sharing
our many political rants...

We hung out at bars at night
and pools during the day -
we took many fun road trips
like Rockport in May...

Our kids, close friends
and all of our pets too -
You loved every single one
and they truly loved you... 

D'Bun, Kia, Molly,
Buddy, Sasha and Bear -
through all of my fur babies
you cared and were there...

So how do we live knowing
that you are now gone -
how do we get the strength
to stand up and go on...

For me, in my heart I know
we will be together again -
so save me a seat
and I'll see you then.

Fresh Air

Carry yourself 
with dignity -
live your life
happily...

follow dreams
show you care -
be smart
play fair...

Do your best to
follow through -
find fun things
there are to do...

Each day is
a new slate -
for you to choose
your own fate.

Lisa

What else can I do
except pray for you -
as I beg to God 
for you to live through...

This horrible cancer
this sudden scare -
with all of my heart
I love you and care...

I keep you close
and dream at night -
that you have won
this unfair fight...

and we will speak
remembering when -
you had a health scare
that was back then.

Ropes

Thankful for
another day -

Where I will
believe and pray -

To the one who
blesses me -

Blessed life
and blessed be 

To the one
who sets me free -

From the ties
I let bind me.

Growth

When the memories
no longer sting -
when the thoughts
mean nothing...

It is a sign
you have moved on -
all that was hurt
is healed and gone...

You picked up
and packed it away -
when you thought
heartache would stay...

Now nothing inside
holds onto that time -
believe it or not
it all turned out fine... 

So always look forward
to what is meant to be -
and never focus on
past negativity.

Three Weeks

I can hear it
calling me -
within three weeks
I will be...

Where the water
meets the sand -
on my happy 
sun drenched land...

Flip flops, sundresses
windblown hair -
I can't wait 
until I am there...

Palm trees, flowers
drinks on a patio -
I hear it calling
and ready to go..

Breath in the breeze
and salty air -
within three weeks
I will be there!

Smile

Determination 
drifts through the air -
I awaken to
find it there...

Flowers blossom
all around -
as I listen to
the sound...

of life inching
into the new day -
feeling grateful I am
learning to say...

I'm choosing to 
believe in me -
and doing my best
to live happily.

  

See Ya

Ding dong
the witch is gone -
the wicked witch
has moved on...

Glad to see
with no apology -
that they have moved
gives me glee...

So many people
left in their wake -
one more problem
one more mistake...

Now they have
moved far away -
karma is a friend
and will always stay...

Near to those who
abuse their power -
leaving behind
all those they devour...

Who remember well
their lies and deceit -
no longer is the world
at their feet.

Cleanse

It was attached
clinging to me -
yet they helped
and broke it free...

Symbolic how
it happened then -
it will not happen
ever again...

Already it is
a lighter feel -
already it is
starting to heal...

Just like the hell
I used to know -
I felt relief
to watch it go!

Road Blocks

Mistakes 
will be made -
Regrets will
appear...

Showing 
forgiveness -
helps 
with the fear...

Sometimes
it's you -
and sometimes 
it's them...

Accidents
will always -
happen
once again...

Learn 
from the sting -
then just
let it go...

Use all
your lessons -
then watch
how you grow.

Droplets

In the way
on a rainy day -
wish I could 
fly far away...

Maybe soar
way up high -
watching life
as it flies bye...

left alone to 
ask myself why -
I even ever 
start or try...

Never matter
much at all -
standing up to
only fall...

fleeting care
left long ago -
can't lift up
what's very low.

 

The Coast

It is where
I should be -
with my family
next to me...

We all laughed
and danced away -
it is where
I should stay...

Happy times
were had by all -
sometimes you need
to have a ball...

enjoying life
with each other -
finding new things
to discover. 

Empty

Going through the motions
on a dreary day -
wish I was anywhere
that is far away...

If only I was upbeat
as some seem to be -
it never lasts long
at least not with me..

It's hard to fly high
when you ride low -
it's hard to smile
when it's just for show...

Nothing is fulfilling
just more empty words -
thinking it will change
is simply absurd.

Reminder

It's temporary
anyway -
take it all just
day by day...

Don't get used to
this routine -
things are never
as they seem...

Always be ready
for the new -
moving on is 
what's to do...

Don't hold tight
keep at bay -
until it's time to
go away...

and start it all
all over again -
it's not if
it's always when.

Shade

They still escape
and rim my eyes -
as I'm left alone 
with my cries...

It seems it's just
a waste of hope -
learning again
how to cope...

No one to tell
no one to trust -
doing all the 
things I must...

or are expected
to always do -
somehow I have
to pull through.

Erased

I will treat you
how you treat me -
it doesn't really matter
who you think you might be...

You are a nothing
inside of my mind -
if you can't be nice
or you can't be kind...

Get out of my face
go far far away -
don't be near me
as I have nothing to say...

Nor do I want to
waste my time with you -
Fuck right off
I have better things to do.

 

Intrude

The chains that bind
are locked by you -
you're the one 
who must break through...

You care too much
and fret too deep -
you can't undo 
so do not keep...

the insecurities
circling around -
keeping you scared
keeping you down...

what was done
and what was said -
living torment
in your head...

let them go 
with the cold wind -
you never have to 
live it again.

Albums

Sometimes we don't make
choices that are good -
sometimes we don't do
what we know we should...

In regretful memories
that break your heart into -
remember you were trying   
just to get through...

So give yourself slack
and somewhat of a break -
when you took on decisions
that decided your fate...

be your own best friend
be gentle with your mind -
treat yourself well
and always be kind.

 

Frozen

What is there
to look forward to -
what is there 
left to do...

been there
done that -
got the shirt
got the hat...

The sun rises
then sets again -
Some with losses
Some with wins...

Nothing exciting
dangling ahead -
close the drapes
crawl in bed...

Not much matters
anyways -
wasted nights
and wasted days.

Ice Cold

It's so cold
Inside and out -
filled with remorse
filled with doubt...

What will be
in this icy haze -
what will come
in the coming days...

Hidden away
safe and alone -
even if I hide
in my own home...

From everyone
and tangled pain -
living a life
tryin in vain...

Only to find
it's a waste of time -
living a life that
isn't even mine. 

Shopping Carts

I'm praying for you
from afar -
they don't know
why you are...

living in your
own built hell -
you could try
but could never tell...

the lies you've lived
the tears you've shed -
while others were safe 
and tucked in bed...

you were stuck
out in those streets -
they call you lazy
they call you meek...

Sometimes life
just isn't clear -
rise above 
the assholes here.

Never Again

Some situations
you should never repeat -
You were in the fire
and felt the heat...

When betrayed
by those you trust -
tossing them away
is something you must...

learn to let
be part of your life -
let them all go
lose all their strife...

You can be happy
without discontent -
follow their actions
to know what they meant...

Walk away with your
head held high -
they say hello
as you say goodbye.

Choices

Be careful who
your friends are -
where you work
and where you are...

Their habits
will affect you too -
you start to do
what you wouldn't do...

You'll realize fast
they need to go -
as you find out
you don't need to know...

how their downfalls
will be yours too -
leave them behind
and focus on you.

Next Year?

I don't know
and starting to not care -
how do I end up
even here or there...

Sick of waiting for
the next tragedy -
what the hell is there
waiting for me...

Take everything
with a grain of salt -
some things are not
laying on my fault...

Let whomever think
what they need to -
there isn't anything else
that I can do.

Cloudy

Dig dig dig
Bury, bury, bury -
when things get
scary, scary, scary...

Don't even know
what was said and done -
Here I go again
another freaking one...

Bow out quietly
hide way below -
facing roadblocks
with nowhere to go.

Walk On

I no longer hate
I wrapped it with a bow -
it was more than me
it was a whole show...

I gave it away
I no longer cry -
I don't question who
I don't question why...

For deep in my heart
I know the truth -
I was ready to fly
and live in my youth...

I'm so glad I did
now I am healed -
I see from the outside
the fates are sealed.
 

Answered Prayers

All you have to do
is wait a little while -
have faith in above
and you will soon smile...

from all the blessings
that come your way -
all you have to do 
Is have faith and pray...

Love comes along
when you shed tears -
it might take weeks
It might take years...

Just keep the hope
and never give away -
your belief in yourself
when you stop and pray!


 

Wings

Staring at the
bright blue sky -
Trying to live
before I die...

God knows how
hard I try -
he also sees the
tears I cry...

So many words
cut the heart -
so many people
I must part...

Looking ahead
is the only part -
that gets me through
what I start...

For nothing seems
to turn out well -
I find myself in 
another hell...

and I have 
no one to tell -
I realize it is
just a spell...

Until this too
is left behind -
is it that hard
to just be kind.

The Ranch

I never thought
I would be sitting here -
Will I still be
in another year...

I am so happy that
good came my way -
here I am smiling
on a sunny day...

Surrounded by space
animals and trees -
living my best life
simply as me...

I give thanks
for this opportunity -
enjoying the views
and the luxury.

So Far

Well hello
It's been a while -
I've had some tears
and a big wide smile...

Once again
there I go -
into a world that 
I did not know...

I started a job 
that's a true dream -
Now I'm there
and it truly seems...

Like it is an
answered prayer -
I won't hold hope
but I'm glad I'm there...

To make the most
of the opportunity -
I'm thankful that
they decided on me.

Enough

Finally it's happening
what do I do -
once again
I always knew...

What took so long
I do not know -
but I'm ready now
time to just go...

I have nothing
and no one at all -
looks like I finally
had the last call...

I don't know why
But I won't again -
I'll leave it as just
another friend...

because I feel nothing
for anyone -
except a few people
and my sweet son...

I definitely don't feel
any heartbreak -
it was a waste of time
living life fake.  

Closed Doors

I definitely won't
choose to believe -
or hold my breath
trying to achieve...

any type 
of future there -
maybe not
anywhere...

Existing as 
I have for a while -
laying low and
faking a smile...

No more insults
no more hope -
it is over as 
I learn to cope.

Miles Away

No one can say
that I don't try -
even when 
I wonder why...

I do it all
once again -
whether I lose
or even win...

Living life
on the edge -
makes me know
that I pledge...

to give it all
my very best -
win or lose
it's all a test.

Pin Drops

Shot down
to the ground -
why am I 
even around...

Surely there's
a better place -
wasted life
waste of space...

why is it
I even try -
I sit and ask
myself why...

Nothing is here
nothing is new -
they are rude
through and through...

Always treated
with disdain -
a nothing life
a losing game...

Quiet as
I always am -
frankly I don't
give a damn.

Numb

You know what
you need to do -
be see through
it's nothing new...

Don't reach out
don't appear -
be unavailable
and never near...

Don't respond
not at all -
don't text back
avoid the call...

They are not
on your side -
the truth is that
they always lied.

Direction

Once again
I guess I'll see -
if this one is
right for me...

All I can do
is try again -
ignore the negative
and don't give in...

to their words
that hurt the heart -
learn to never
fall apart...

as I'm held
bound with glue -
until I make my
dreams come true.

Locks

I've learned well
to avoid them all -
keep quite quiet
and safely small...

Just look away
never on display...
You don't belong
with them anyway...

So much rudeness
so much strife -
I won't deal  
in this worldly life...

So many times
I learn once more -
to just walk away
and shut that door.

 

Friday

The rain comes down
the vines soak it in -
quenching their thirst
as it's summer again...

Soft soaking warmth
trickle down the trees -
as they sway with the wind
and enjoy the breeze...

Green all around
flowers blooming pink -
enjoying the shower
guzzling the drink...

as I get to watch
from my desk view -
feeling gratitude that
it's what I get to do.

The Motions

It was another
waste of time -
something that wasn't
ever mine...

I tried my best
then walked away -
there is nothing
left to say...

I guess I really
do not care -
life is hard
and never fair...

So here I go
once again -
will I ever
finally win?

Numb

In a year
will I still be here -
living this life
with ridiculous fear...

or will I die
as I always cry -
complaining my life
is one big lie...

I've reached the point
without a joint -
living life daily with
no real point...

no happiness 
no utter bliss -
no soul purpose
or loving kiss...

I'm dead inside
while I always hide -
this is not for me
to myself I lied.

Schedules

Who cares bitch
I am gone -
is that all you have
to still go on...

You have nothing
but a desk -
when you're dead
they all will rest...

because you're hateful
for no reason -
because you have no
happy season...

You bring nothing
but a bad day -
as they say
see you next Tuesday.

Hills

Feeling down
will it matter -
will my feet 
go pitter patter...

or will it be
a waste of hope -
to drive away 
and learn to cope...

with rejection
once again -
sometimes I feel
I just can't win...

Yet I put myself
on the line -
I'll see what happens
one more time. 

Bid Adieu

At least I have
some memories -
left to take 
away with me...

I was kept
quite far away -
as you lived 
your life your way...

Not one to let
anyone intrude -
not even clothes,
cards or food...

I guess you felt
no duty -
even in death
I can see...

I never mattered
much to you -
I always knew
that was true.

Cracks

Small as a mouse
hidden away -
sneaking around
with no one to play...

Nowhere to go
and there is no cheese -
not a crack in the door
to feel the breeze...

All the other
mice are now dead -
I guess you can't
hide under the bed...

You must get up
and run away -
before they lead
your life their way.

Believe

I am hungry
with no appetite -
I want to live
but have lost the fight...

There isn't much
left for me to see -
but I choose to continue
in my dignity...

Because I am
a child of God -
I'm not sure why
the kingdom nod...

but I know
that he loves me -
and I am his
for eternity!

Dead End

Nobody does
it's all on you -
why did you believe
dreams come true...

Maybe for some
that is the way  -
for others it's just
another grey day...

You rise to see
nothing to hope -
you do whatever
you can to cope...

There is no luster
there is no glee -
just living to die
eventually.

Fate

It's quiet now
I am alone -
with my thoughts
inside my home...

What will be
where will I go -
the future is something
I can't know...

But I can
try each day -
to do my best
in every way...

and eventually
I will see -
it was all
meant to be.

Eternity

The lawnmower sound
in the background -
the lazy Sunday
just to lounge around... 

I'm so thankful
for another day -
where I am healthy
and able to say...

Thank you Lord
for my blessed life -
for making me
a mom and a wife...

So many mistakes
with lessons too -
is why I gave
my heart to you...

You literally answer
my deepest prayers -
I feel peace knowing
you are always there...

and when this life
is over for me -
in your presence 
is where I will be!

Silence

Is anything
out there -
is life ever
really fair?

Do we ride
and die -
or just straight
up lie...

Things become
so numb -
the table leaves
a crumb...

as you try
to feel hope -
doing things
to just cope...

with how you
are let down -
and there is
no one around.
 

Raindrops on Ivy

The past is left behind
vaporized in the wind -
it is place in the mind
you will never be again...

There may be reminders
a song or a place -
there are happy days 
that can never be replaced...

Then there are those
that you have to let go -
release them to heaven
and use them to grow.

I Wish You Well

Here I am once again
same place different view -
I should be surprised
but it is now nothing new...

Pushed out again
left in the murky dust -
parking in the front
was a final care less must...

I don't want to be
where they do not care -
or where I am the one
who is treated unfair...

I'm not sure why
they treat me that way -
it's the same situation
different place, different day.

Exit

I don't know why 
I always try -
I'm living it 
to just get bye...

People show that
they are mean -
none of them
are as they seem...

Run away
hide your head -
get away 
before you're dead -

leave these monsters
in the past -
another hope
that didn't last.

Ghosting

The world is cruel
the people mean -
most of them aren't
as they seem...

Bitter and angry
wanting their way -
speaking quite rudely
with whatever they say...

I've learned to avoid
most that I see -
with any and all
kept away from me...

I walk away quickly
and never look back -
avoiding their hate
and their sneering attack.