Vision

I feel in my heart
this will be the start -
the year that sticks together
or when it falls apart...
I see in my eyes
that the things that I despise
will lead someone to hope -
and someone will come out wise...
maybe even me...
If I turn out to be
that hopeful to see
that I find myself to be
so lucky.

Clockwork

Of course -
disappointment,

Each and every time
Each and every thing...

Over and over again...

Hold in the tears...
Hold back the fears...

Year after Year...

One thing
I can count on...

One thing that always
rears it's ugly head...

One thing,

that no matter who
that no matter when...

Disappointment...

will happen again.

Regrets of Many

Avoidance,
avoidance
I taste their
utter annoyance -

Such fear -
kept here,
in a safety net
quite clear...

Shame,
shame -
never to play
the blame game..

Doing again
what I've done before -
making mistakes
just to come back for more...

Leave the lights off
turn down the bed,
and try to erase
the things they have said...

Sleep tight, so tight
another lonely night -
it's cold outside
with a moon shining bright...

Grasping the truth
as I hide away -
dream of tomorrow
and forget what they say.

Waste

They trade their souls
for temporary
momentary gain -

Doing anything
to anyone to feed
the face of fame -

Self respect
and self control
seeping from their veins -

As they die in pride
ice cold inside -
just to hear their name.

Peek A Boo

The sun came out
no doubt -
the minute the work week
came about...

Shinning bright
with a teasing grin...
it's alright though
I'll have it again.

Sweet golden rays
shine down to say -
the rain is gone
come out and play!

Thanksgiving

Trees
Health
Animals
Necessities
Kia
Safety
God
Insurance
Volunteering
Income
Nation
Goals

Obstacles

It's a blind wall -

no one seems to care at all...

how it's built

or just how tall -

the top can make

one feel so small.

If you're not careful

how you crawl -

you just might

tumble down and

fall.

Secrets

Sit in an office,
a house,
or a mall -

Nothing...
I mean Nothing
is as it seems.

Every eye
holds a secret -
noone knows.

Every person
has a closet -
full and crowded.

Can't let out
those skeletons
duck and turn the corner...

again.

I look around
the secret few -
they don't know

that I do.

Funny..
relieving actually -
everybody is a little

sneaky.

Carnival Days

Caramel apples,
silver name plate
bracelets

The smell of hay
the good ole days...

Cotton candy
mud on your shoes -
a haunted house.

Crayons in yellow,
orange, red and brown -
pumkins and turkeys

hanging around...

Darkness comes early
bedtime is warm -
oatmeal in the morning...

fall charm.

Fire place ashes
warm socks,
cold floor...

Crisp leaves,
chilly nights -
yard raking chores.

Nuts on the hearth...
Marshmellows
roasting -

Sipping
hot chololate -
all nice and toasty.

Wet Truth

The truth is in the tears -

it will never be better,
it will never go away,
it will never be like it is
for the others...

smiles -
will never be for real,
laughter will never be
genuine...

not in this lifetime
at least not mine.

People -
will never really be there,
they really do not care
unless it's about theirs...

look at the phone
there is noone to call,
who can help at all,
not when you fall...

not when your heart
is alone and broken,
not when your dreams
are unspoken...

not when your life
is a token of pain
again...

the truth is in the tears -

has been all
of these years.

Mountains

October skies
leave images of mountains
as my eyes peak open -

first thing in the morning...

October skies
hang low over the windy breeze
with the chilly blow -

last thing in the evening...

puffy and pretty
as far as the eye can see
homemade cloud mountains -

made just for me.

What Matters

When you die
it won't matter...

your credit rating -
the size of your house -
the car you drove -
or designer tags...

When you die
what matters goes with you...

your dreams,
your talents,
your skills,
your childhood memories...

the way you treated
your fellow man -
helpless animals -
and hopeless people...

The halls you walked
will be empty...
The house you cleaned
will get dirty...
The people you knew
will move on...

and life will be gone
as you have moved on -

to be with God...

all that really matters
in the end.

Road Trip

I want to go to
Scottsdale, Arizona -
maybe pick up
a straw hat on the road to
California...

I want to ride down
Route 66 -
I want to find a bar
in the middle of
the sticks.

I want to see
the mountains -
with the desert
in my rear
view mirror -

can anything be clearer...

than Scottsdale,
Arizona -
following the pavement
on the road to
California.

Realizations

Empowerment...
Taking control of anything -
and everything...

mind, body and spirit.

If something isn't working
find another way
if something is broken...

fix it.

Quality of life
is about living it
to the fullest...

to the smartest.

No dress rehearsals
No do overs
here and now...

is it!

Needs

Noone needs anyone,
because there is
noone to need...

Ties that bind you -
are ties that need
to be freed...

He said -
do you know
how sick of it I get -

I do -
I feel the same
I say forget all of it.

Love -
fades, turns into
an ice cold shade...

wasting nights,
wasting days -
while misery is made...

I feel -
a cold change
is in the air...

soon -
these times will all
become quite clear...

and this
page will turn -
to new chapters here.

Observations

The barron woman
searches -
runs, screams, cries
for the child
she never had...

The lonely man
cringes -
as he steals again
from another man
his wife...

The wife
in lonely pain -
flees in fear,
hides from the man
always near...

The friend
looks the other way -
as another is dropped
from life
drifting away...

The artist
full of fame -
shows their talent
in vain
into lifeless shame...

The people
share the same -
craziness that has
run from rampant
to insane.

Consequences

It has evaporated
for all of them -
It is different now
than it was then...

The eyes are dark
souls sucked away -
I have memories
of the good ole days...

if they were
that at all -
even the happy
and so friendly fall...

neighborhoods,
they come and leave -
friendships,
can guarantee deceit...

Fulfillment
can not be found -
by those who
have let you down.

Sweet Sleep

At night -
I wonder why
you visit me...

it brings back memories,
a time when I
was young and free...

The world
ahead with dreams of life -
before reality and strife.

I see your vision again
and sleep so deep
my long lost friend...

I couldn't keep.

I wonder now if I could
go back to then
what would I begin -

I feel quite lonely
as life goes by
comforted with a silent cry...

Many times
I wonder why
this is where my life lies.

I'm letting go
of most things I know -
I suppose it's the only way to grow.

Goodbye to my past
that didn't last
it sure went by fast.

Vicariously

At my moms age she rode -
her and her husband
of many many years...

far,
her on back
clinging tight...

through the desert,
through the valley,
through the Grand Canyon...

He stayed with her -
3 kids - 5 grand
dogs and land

wise man -
never would
abandon them...

she stresses at work
day after day -
she was happy

to get away.

A man and wife
for real - the real deal
sharing their lives...

on a motorcycle
nothing more -
fear and all

they rode.

Saw Indians,
rock formations,
God's creation...

and appreciated it all.

Some people are gifts -

she said
the purpose is
to help other people -

learn
from mistakes
yours and others,

to live life -
not just exist
before you die...

and meet your final
destination
in the sky.

Cycles

The wind
is rolling in
darkness falls
early again...

as summers end -

beckons trees
to lose their leaves,
and hybernate
from the chilly breeze...

that will show
a lonely snow
maybe once
before it goes

cycles.

Songs

You think I love ya
though you're above me,
you think I want
you for your money...

Don't contemplate,
Don't hesitate -
I even think about ya
when I meditate...

I want your smile
it's worth my while -
to pick up the phone
and make that dial...

I'm thinking baby
that I'm in love with you -
please say this
isn't even true...

cause baby I know
this girls in love with you...

I see your face
and I'm a thinking -
I gotta go and
do some drinking...

and think about
what this is gonna do -
to our lives
both me and you...

thinking baby
that even maybe,
you and me could
misbehave...

See what two lovers
in love might do -
oh oh say this
isn't even true...

see what two lovers
like me and you -
see what two lovers
might do...

Oh oh I'm saying maybe
Don't think I'm behaving
seeing my baby
it's you.

Love

I know what it's like
to love a man -
to get lost in his mouth
and the touch of his hand...

Wanting his body
to be one with mine -
to crave it, hope it
will happen this time...

The sinful lust
can carry me away,
but I can't say no
when I want it to stay -

in that moment forever
and grasp for breath,
with his body
errupting with manliness.

His never ending
intelligence -
his laugh, his eyes
his selflessness...

The laws of attraction
keep pulling me back -
filling me up with love
there is nothing to lack...

with a self made man
to himself he is true -
a real man to protect
you him and him you.

Mute

It's hard to see the news -
the people and their views -
day after day they spew

as they say and do...

horrible things to one another
to each other -
sister and brother -
father and mother -

sad so sad,
and it's getting bad,
we've lost what we had -

this country

God
Pride
Hope
Class
Morals
Respect

gone...all gone
I guess from this point on

I'll turn it all off.

Home

It came -
It went -
It will come again...

I enjoy
the solitude -
the music in the background...

the dog beside the window.

Food cooking -
Fresh smell of paint -
Hair in hat...

relaxed.

Even if the rain patters lightly,
the sun bakes the roof
or the snow covers the treetops...

Planted by my own hand -

It is mine -
Is is my own
It is my home.

A Million Miles Away

Get me out of here
about a million miles away -
can't face the future
can't face another day...

more bad news
just heading my way -
Leaves me high and dry
with nothing else to say...

My words don't count
and my heart doesn't matter -
Endless talks of hope
is only endless chatter...

Slapped in the face
time and time again...
take me to a time
when this will be back then...

Get me out of here
about a million miles away -
just pack up my car
and head to where I'll stay...

Far from this place
that is tearing me into -
away from more failure
and onto something new.

Sweetness

Why can't I be
where the land meets the sea -
where the air blows free
and the stars shine on me...

Where white sand meets a salty wave
and paradise is just another day -
for the ones who have never
lived any other way...

oh how sweet
that would be.

Tasting heaven and the locals know
the tourists pay for it's the place to go
to leave it all behind
for a natural show...

oh how sweet
that would be.

Forward

Slowly -
but surely,
I will put myself back together -
like humpty dumpty
or an egg at Easter
holes on both ends
to make something pretty
last forever...

Maybe I'll look back -
and see
it's all party of the journey.

Rough roads -
cracked streets -
hills, mountains and mo-hills -
that seemed like mountains at the time...

winding towards a paradise
I haven't seen or touched...

yet.

Shew

Nuisances and flies
I wish I was there...
I try to shew them away to
anywhere but here...

I wish I was free
to be who I want to be...
I wish I didn't have
all this responsibility...

As they come near
I go the other way...
I don't need to see them
none of them one more day...

I don't understand...
how I got stuck in this lie...
tear stained memories -
I stare out the window and sigh.

Souls

Surface

where people live
where the men leave their hearts
or lack there of...

Surface
where the millionaires
steal their millions -

where the healthcare
bury their dead
where the rich -

party

where those without souls
exist empty
where empty words of

non feeling humans -
destroy life...

why there are very few
that deserve

heart and soul.

More Tears

Goodbye
Precious Molly
across the rainbow bridge...

out of nowhere
there you went
back to your beautiful self...

always pretty
always proper
always had your blond paws crossed...

bright green eyes
loved the grass
loved the shade of morning sun...

I will miss you
as my son will
will you say hi to Bun up there...

as these tears
flow once again
to an angel gone from here...

Goodbye Molly
cross that bridge
run to freedom and feel no pain...

I pray one day
they all are wrong
and I'll see you once again.

Thoughts

It doesn't matter
what they think...
I can honestly say
I am over it...
their opinions...
their lives...
their issues...
their insults...
their lies...
I can see the light
the tunnel -
was never there
in the first place.

Turtle

I have a shell
I welcome it...
turtle, introvert
alone and alright...

The things they've
said and done -
have led me down this path
this disconnected plight...

I don't need them,
anyone actually -
they were the ones
who carefully taught me...

When wounds heal
the scar tissue is hard -
and gives you strength
to set their words free...

from love, from care
the welcome it brings -
because I don't feel
any of those things...

I am comfortably numb
and the future will be -
me avoiding them...
and them avoiding me.

Doors

She'll never be
what she dreamed she'd be -
Her eyes have seen
too much travesty...

She joined in
when she should have left -
she let go of
what she should have kept...

and now her future
is a twisted mess -
from a closet of lies
that she never confessed.

Lessons

A broken spirit
tongues that sting -
is this what they
are supposed to bring...

What is trust?
does it even exist -
if you went far away
what would you miss...

I've heard their words
I've seen actions quite rude -
I've been around their eyes
and their mean attitude...

I've fallen out of love
with any that I believed -
would be a good heart
that would never deceive...

For that is all a lie
deviance in the mind...
which is why I have no problems
leaving it all behind.

Growing Up

I saw a little boy today
cap, roller blades,
knee pads -

Blond hair
bending over...
I could see you again -

like you were then...

a pain twinged my heart,
brought a tear to my eye,
the happiest moments of my life -

have always been
you and I...

It hurts sometimes to know
you'll never be that size again...

I love you just as much now
as I did then...

The time comes when the mom
closes the door alone -
and watches you drive away

from your home...

and it hurts
through easy smiles -
and it taints the heart

for a while.

Looking Up

Ten, Twenty
Thirty or more -
how long we're on this journey
no one can be for sure...

There are only two facts
that each one here can share -
Birth and death
and that the journey isn't fair...

But as we look deeper
it's easy to see -
some things we take for granted
are given to us free...

treetops and mountains,
rivers and streams,
the greeting from your dog -
last nights wild and vivid dreams...

the smell of fresh cut grass,
the crackle of a fire,
the smell of springtime rain -
passion and desire...

a birds nest there to greet you
with chirping from within -
as you leave your home
to do it all again...

yet see that in this world
so scary, cold and dead...
Life and smiles are everywhere...
if you just lift up your head.

Choices

Life comes at you crazy...
not sure if you're heading up
or heading down...

We hit the streets so hazy...
more news of destruction
one more tattered town...

but here we are
we're all the same -
just different faces
with a different name...

on the same boat
just trying to stay sane -
in a world that looks away
as we try in vain.

People come out of nowhere
to leave a legacy
of tears and dispair...

Causing tragedies to hard to bare...
have they not a heart
or learned how to care...

Could it be that life's not fair?
I say it's our choice
the legacy we share.

Good Riddance

So interesting -
I've learned
the shadows from my past
are easy to flee...

Letting go -
isn't abandonment
yet it is a part of life,
the path to being free...

The faces -
I've seen
are not a reflection,
not a mirror of me...

Nor do I owe -
anyone anything
no answers from my lips,
no sight for them to see...

my commitment's -
lie in my heart
I answer to myself alone,
whether or not they agree.

Somewhere Out There

You breeze through my mind
like a scent in the wind -
reminded of a time
that I will never visit again...

In dreams you appear
and I wake only to see -
you're a ghost of my past
a sweet memory...

I can search all I want
follow the paths I have crossed -
yet any type of treasure
is buried and lost...

I wonder in my heart
do I ever cross your mind -
for like the sweet summer wind
you breeze through mine.

Cause and Affect

Healing
After
They
Expose
Reality

Reality

Lies
Ostracizing
Vicious
Ending
Repetitive

Getting Closer

I'd call it a
self fulfilling prophecy -
If I hadn't seen it
coming directly towards me...

I'd call it sad
and possibly a sin -
If I hadn't found out everything
back then...

I'd call it a chance
redemption to a new -
if I had some kind of
feelings for you...

I'd call it sad
if my emotions could care -
I'd shed a tear
if I had any left to share.

Mighty

Majestic -
beautiful
eyes of courage...

fur that shines
beneath the sun...

Animals

Great and small
I love them all...

I wish I could save
the ones in the cages -

I wish for freedom
on this land -

that once was theirs...

What have we done?

Progress?

as the earth wittles away
the stars fade, the sun beats...

The animals die
for no reason...

Land is taken
for more land scaping -

can't we see
it was perfect before.

But they plow
and they grow
and they build...

yet I know...

Animals
Beautiful
Majestic

gives life power.

Stone

Labor -
and hard
some vacation
some work harder...

Soreness -
yet
something is finished
that wasn't there before...

Relaxation -
will come
in evenings
after work days...

because -
of labor and work
vacation
provides.

Motivation

About to move
in oxygen..
to feel -
to think -
to breath...
To sweat
and get
the benefit -
of challenging
the essence
of me...
Time to
begin again
oxygen!

Gratitude

Thank you God for
health, wealth
and prosperity.

Thank you for
sending your son
to die for me...

Thank you for
saving my son
September 9, 1992...

Thank you for
giving me a heart
that believes in you...

Thank you for
protection when I
don't deserve it...

Thank you for
wisdom to understand
what we're dealing with...

Thank you for
a home, a car
a job, and a mind...

Thank you for
compassion
and eyes that are kind...

Thank you God
for a mammaw
that taught me to see...

cleanliness and independence
are goals we should all
strive to be...

Thank you for
the men in my life
that have come through...

Thank you for
another day
to give thanks to you!!!

Smiling

Happy
so happy
don't mean to be
incredibly sappy -
but here I am
smiling ear to ear
what the happy hell
is going on here...
laughing, loving
and having a ball
excited about the future
the craziness of it all...
Time has come
and time has gone
could this have been
the plan all along..
happy
so happy
feels good
just like I always should!

Final

I see the point
the end of this
the end of it all...

they must have courage
and some spunk
to make the final call...

Guess I'm weak
because in my mind
I dangle the plan...

Yet wake again
for nothing much
to live with who I am...

alone and bored
with nothing new
and sick of them all...

Wish I had
the strength of them
to make the final call!!!

38 Special

Driving along
I hear a song
that brings back memories of you...

I fade to a time
when you were mine
young love that felt so true...

Innocence lived
when I kissed your lips
you brought me flowers and sprees...

We laughed at jokes
while learning the ropes
and parked beneath the trees...

Saturday nights
with dates so late
movies and popcorn full...

Promises spoken
bound to be broken
there's life after school...

I hear you're married
with kids in tow
I'm happy your life is well...

I can't help but see
you face in my heart
like the stories those memories tell.

Lightbulb

Let it happen
Let it be -
Let something finally
go right for me...

Let this hope
come into fruition -
Let this all be
a smart decision...

I want so bad
to make this new -
I pray so hard
this can come true...

Ideas of life
can be the end -
of a life headed
in a downward spin...

I have the goal
smart as it seems -
please let this become
an accomplished dream.

The High Dive

How do you know
when to end it all -
step off the pier
and take the high fall...

If care is gone
and words are strong -
when does your gut
say it's time to move on...

The pain in the head,
the twinge to the heart -
the fears that you hide
the vulnerable part...

is holding your hand
and leading the way -
to a different future
can you afford to pay...

the doors may slam
and the quiet may scare -
would it even be possible
to find yourself there...

If you still even exist.

June 5

Twenty years ago today,
both innocent and quite young -
remembering books we read
and all the songs we sung...

The angel of my eyes
the faith and hope we shared -
I will always treasure
every single memory there.

They may fade over time
but they will never leave -
the best decision in my life
was having him with me...

So many happy smiles
and laughter from the soul -
my angel and my son
the best person I could know...

There is nothing like the love
of a mother to her son...
Gratitude to God...
for giving me this one!!!

Sunshine

Let in the light
to your heart -
it's the first place
to start...

I want to say
that love is true -
I want to say
it to you...

There is melody
when the sun is out -
and the sky is clear
and you lose your doubts...

There are dreamers
about to achieve -
a life long goal
a life long dream....

There is hope
if you push away the fear -
if you open your mind
things become clear...

So wrap your arms
around the brightest sun -
Let your life shine bright
for it's just begun.

Wishful

I wish it had
turned out different -
trust...

I wish that the dreams
had become reality -
love...

I wish that when I saw
my visions they were true -
happiness...

Now I have suspicion,
searching for the real truth -
tears...

desperately trying to find out
if I'm wasting my youth -
lies...

what is left of it...
what is within me -
courage...

the truth
might set me on the path -
free...

I never wanted it that way
I had innocence on that day -
hope...

that is now eluded...
unfortunately buried and not -
resurrected...

because when vows
aren't cherished they are gone -
dead.

Faith

I'm afraid
but I'm stepping out -
I'm trying something
that I've only dreamed about -
Will it happen
I don't know -
but I never will
If I don't go -
and try.

Candles

Smile...
sometimes the cake
has icing...

Sometimes
the presents
are wrapped in silver...

Sometimes
the bows
are full of glitter...

Sometimes
the parties
are fun...

sometimes it's true
and I am the one...
who smiles!

May 31

Petals died
tears dried
Love and emotion
all lied...

Emptiness -
I'm not sure how
it got to this
irrelevance now...

White came
and then it went -
the memories
have all been spent...

in photos
aged with time
along with his
along with mine...

All that's left
is one fine day -
that came as fast
as it went away.

Secrets

It's quiet in my soul
there is noone who
needs to know...

I have fallen from the train
of fast moving
beliefs or care...

Can I accept my own
mind - do I
dare...

Things are different now
my eyes are finally
clean...

I can see that people
are not as they
seem...

I used to worry about
their image
of myself...

Even though none
cared how I
felt...

I really am not interested,
nor will I be
there...

Images to remain
untouched nothing left
to share...

I know how it feels
to let it all
go...

It feels good -
there is noone who
needs to know.

Toxins.

Don't let what is inside
take away your outside -
The thoughts that make you
cry should and can die.

When you spend your time
in loneliness and pain -
only you can do the things
that only you can make change.

If something kills your spirit
or takes the life from your eyes -
you must have the courage
to accept the terms of goodbye.

The worst comes from within
the thoughts in your own head,
be careful what you listen to
or you make wake up dead.

To who you really are
and what you can really be...
only you can grasp your goals
and make your reality.

COB

I'll go home
quiet, head down
let it go -
noone around...

should get used to
not much sound -
until my heart
is once again found...

I'll hold tight
emotions of rage -
and instead cry
and turn the page...

there is a future
I wasn't born to die
without doing something
in truth..not a lie.

U-Haul

I had a chance once driving through the hills,
greenery everywhere in control of my own destiny -

to make that change...

yet I didn't - I stayed on,
as I had all the years before in the same place -

where I graduated -

I never wanted to live a dull life...
that followed boundaries and meaningless commitments-

tight borders -

I had a chance once to make a change in my life,
was I afraid, naive or plain stupid...

Because here I am...

I often wonder how it would be
had I moved that summer -

left what I knew for something new.

To begin again like spring
each year brings new flowers and growth...

if things never changed...everything would be dead.

Silver and Gold

Look around -
it's clear to see
there is no one
that needs to be...

by your side
or in your dreams -
no one is as good
as they seem...

a friend is just
disguised from foe -
and how can you
truly know...

that when you want
to let down your guard
is when you should
hold it tight and hard...

and never let
them see inside -
that little girl innocence
has truly died.

Caves

Overcast,
quiet -
alone for now...
doesn't seem to matter
I'll get through again
somehow...

Back biting,
decisions -
make my stomach turn...
when will I see the light
when will I
learn...

The tears erase
the secrets I face
inside...
want to run
want to go free
want to hide...

from myself.

Light

The sun will shine
summer will be here
things might be better...

Joy may happen
on a trip or two -
and life might seem to have

weathered the winter.

The cold will be buried
on newscasts of yesterday -
with a forecast of pretty and warm...

Life might be measured
in cycles and phases -
clear vision after hazes...

and the calm after the storm.