Music is like
a time machine -
it takes you back
in a daydream...
All of the sudden
you're ten again -
remembering exactly
what happened then...
You see the moment
you feel the air -
you're alive again
as you were there...
Drifting back
to that moment in time -
as the music fills up
you soul and mind.
I will just keep it
all inside -
and find my trusty
hole to hide...
because I know
in reality -
it is all left
up to me...
Silence echos
in my ears -
to care less evens
out my fears...
because I've learned
it is not there -
and I've learned
to never care.
I think of you
frequently -
do you ever
think of me...
Deep inside
I hope you know -
it was hard
to watch you go...
You made me laugh
and made me cry -
when we said
the final goodbye...
But just because
it wasn't me -
I truly hope
you are happy.
I do admit
it gives me pause -
seeing the scary
turbulent cause...
sends me in a
different direction -
with a lot of
tough reflection...
If it is not
meant to be there -
then I wonder
exactly where...
I should be
or I should go -
and how I will
ever know?
The curtains close
the clock is stopped -
the wood floor creaks
during the walk...
Demons hover
angels soar high -
the key turns quietly
as they die...
Sharp shards cut
the bloody flow -
secrets buried
no one will know...
history hides
beneath the dirt -
as the haunted live
walking the earth.
Save it for
the ride home -
save it until
you are alone...
You can let it
all out then -
by yourself
at least till ten...
Where you can
hide in privacy -
and let the tears
all flow freely.
Tears rim my eyes
as I feel defeated -
so many times
I have repeated...
Choices that kill
and clog my mind -
with people who are
rude and unkind...
I feel mistakes
have ruined my hope -
I find it difficult
just to cope...
I don't hold belief
in anything here -
as I watch all
happiness disappear.
Things are about to get
completely real -
I'm about to express
exactly how I feel...
What I will put up with
what I won't do -
what I have decided
I will pursue...
I have one shot
and this is my time -
I will dictate
what will be mine...
I don't need anyone
ever at all -
my life, my choices
and my call.
Well here it is
it's been a year -
I'm kind of shocked
that I'm still here...
There is good
and there is bad -
I suppose it's better
than what I had...
Some things loom
in front of me -
All I can do
is wait and see...
if the dream
becomes reality -
and that vision
comes to be.
You would be
in your twenties now -
if the outcome had been
different somehow...
I wonder what
you would have been -
if that had not
happened then...
The bathroom blood
my agonizing cries -
the trip up the mountain
when I heard your goodbye...
It was traumatic
it tore me into -
I felt the guilt of
not cherishing you...
Because when I did
and became aware -
it was too late
you were no longer there...
I pray from my heart
the sign was true -
Don't worry mommy
I'll look after you.
I'll work on my own
patience and empathy -
I'll try to snuff out anger
and offer sympathy...
Behind closed doors
everyone lives their life -
no one else knows
their problems and strife...
So once again I will
choose to rise above -
and try to fill this world
with happiness and love...
Maybe I will make
someone else feel good -
being the kind of person
that I believe I should.
I believe in me
I don't need you
to do that too...
I wonder to myself
do you even
believe in you...
People come and
then they go
this much is true...
but caring at all
what you think
I assure I will never do.
I don't know why
you're always so rude -
but I'm pretty sick of
your salty attitude...
You create things
to complain about -
you're a miserable person
inside no doubt...
I've decided to
completely ignore you -
I'll always avoid
ever having to do...
anything where
you might be -
I do not appreciate
how you treat me...
I don't want you
as any kind of friend -
so go be hateful elsewhere
this is my end.
Will I make it
I will see -
because sometimes
I want to flee...
from the faces
and monotony -
that I deal with
almost daily...
Little things
are built way high -
watching the clock
slowly go by...
I couldn't care
when or why -
I walk away
and say goodbye.
.
It is always hitting
out of the blue...
but our dear Lisa
We all miss you...
Every day you
cross my mind -
and I remember
this or that time...
It's a physical pain
I'm sure we all feel -
how do we cope
how do we heal...
I often wonder what
your last thoughts were -
I wonder why
there was no cure...
It breaks all of
our hearts into -
why dear God
did it have to be you?
When I am gone
it will be the same way -
with everyone living
day to day...
Only a few
will really care -
remembering when
you were there...
So keep close
your chosen few -
who you love
and who loves you.
Does an angel carry you
gently on her wings -
do you kneel before God
while the angels sing...
Are your ancestors there
or friends that you knew -
Is it like a vivid dream
with a heavenly hue...
What are the heavens
beyond what it shows -
it's a complete mystery
no human can know...
We trust and believe
but it's sobering too -
when your body dies
what becomes of you?
Remember the night
we spilled the whole tray -
that poor waitress
working that day...
Or when you jumped my fence
and said call your mom -
as I worried about Brandon
while I was working and gone...
Or when I broke my fingers
leaving your place -
you called the next day laughing
with love and grace...
Or when Jared saved Garrett
with the abdominal thrust -
and then he kept on eating because
your potato salad was a must...
Or when you taught us all
about planting plants -
after hanging out and sharing
our many political rants...
We hung out at bars at night
and pools during the day -
we took many fun road trips
like Rockport in May...
Our kids, close friends
and all of our pets too -
You loved every single one
and they truly loved you...
D'Bun, Kia, Molly,
Buddy, Sasha and Bear -
through all of my fur babies
you cared and were there...
So how do we live knowing
that you are now gone -
how do we get the strength
to stand up and go on...
For me, in my heart I know
we will be together again -
so save me a seat
and I'll see you then.
Carry yourself
with dignity -
live your life
happily...
follow dreams
show you care -
be smart
play fair...
Do your best to
follow through -
find fun things
there are to do...
Each day is
a new slate -
for you to choose
your own fate.
What else can I do
except pray for you -
as I beg to God
for you to live through...
This horrible cancer
this sudden scare -
with all of my heart
I love you and care...
I keep you close
and dream at night -
that you have won
this unfair fight...
and we will speak
remembering when -
you had a health scare
that was back then.
