All you have to do
is wait a little while -
have faith in above
and you will soon smile...
from all the blessings
that come your way -
all you have to do
Is have faith and pray...
Love comes along
when you shed tears -
it might take weeks
It might take years...
Just keep the hope
and never give away -
your belief in yourself
when you stop and pray!
Staring at the
bright blue sky -
Trying to live
before I die...
God knows how
hard I try -
he also sees the
tears I cry...
So many words
cut the heart -
so many people
I must part...
Looking ahead
is the only part -
that gets me through
what I start...
For nothing seems
to turn out well -
I find myself in
another hell...
and I have
no one to tell -
I realize it is
just a spell...
Until this too
is left behind -
is it that hard
to just be kind.
I never thought
I would be sitting here -
Will I still be
in another year...
I am so happy that
good came my way -
here I am smiling
on a sunny day...
Surrounded by space
animals and trees -
living my best life
simply as me...
I give thanks
for this opportunity -
enjoying the views
and the luxury.
Well hello
It's been a while -
I've had some tears
and a big wide smile...
Once again
there I go -
into a world that
I did not know...
I started a job
that's a true dream -
Now I'm there
and it truly seems...
Like it is an
answered prayer -
I won't hold hope
but I'm glad I'm there...
To make the most
of the opportunity -
I'm thankful that
they decided on me.
Finally it's happening
what do I do -
once again
I always knew...
What took so long
I do not know -
but I'm ready now
time to just go...
I have nothing
and no one at all -
looks like I finally
had the last call...
I don't know why
But I won't again -
I'll leave it as just
another friend...
because I feel nothing
for anyone -
except a few people
and my sweet son...
I definitely don't feel
any heartbreak -
it was a waste of time
living life fake.
I definitely won't
choose to believe -
or hold my breath
trying to achieve...
any type
of future there -
maybe not
anywhere...
Existing as
I have for a while -
laying low and
faking a smile...
No more insults
no more hope -
it is over as
I learn to cope.
No one can say
that I don't try -
even when
I wonder why...
I do it all
once again -
whether I lose
or even win...
Living life
on the edge -
makes me know
that I pledge...
to give it all
my very best -
win or lose
it's all a test.
Shot down
to the ground -
why am I
even around...
Surely there's
a better place -
wasted life
waste of space...
why is it
I even try -
I sit and ask
myself why...
Nothing is here
nothing is new -
they are rude
through and through...
Always treated
with disdain -
a nothing life
a losing game...
Quiet as
I always am -
frankly I don't
give a damn.
You know what
you need to do -
be see through
it's nothing new...
Don't reach out
don't appear -
be unavailable
and never near...
Don't respond
not at all -
don't text back
avoid the call...
They are not
on your side -
the truth is that
they always lied.
Once again
I guess I'll see -
if this one is
right for me...
All I can do
is try again -
ignore the negative
and don't give in...
to their words
that hurt the heart -
learn to never
fall apart...
as I'm held
bound with glue -
until I make my
dreams come true.
I've learned well
to avoid them all -
keep quite quiet
and safely small...
Just look away
never on display...
You don't belong
with them anyway...
So much rudeness
so much strife -
I won't deal
in this worldly life...
So many times
I learn once more -
to just walk away
and shut that door.
The rain comes down
the vines soak it in -
quenching their thirst
as it's summer again...
Soft soaking warmth
trickle down the trees -
as they sway with the wind
and enjoy the breeze...
Green all around
flowers blooming pink -
enjoying the shower
guzzling the drink...
as I get to watch
from my desk view -
feeling gratitude that
it's what I get to do.
It was another
waste of time -
something that wasn't
ever mine...
I tried my best
then walked away -
there is nothing
left to say...
I guess I really
do not care -
life is hard
and never fair...
So here I go
once again -
will I ever
finally win?
In a year
will I still be here -
living this life
with ridiculous fear...
or will I die
as I always cry -
complaining my life
is one big lie...
I've reached the point
without a joint -
living life daily with
no real point...
no happiness
no utter bliss -
no soul purpose
or loving kiss...
I'm dead inside
while I always hide -
this is not for me
to myself I lied.
Who cares bitch
I am gone -
is that all you have
to still go on...
You have nothing
but a desk -
when you're dead
they all will rest...
because you're hateful
for no reason -
because you have no
happy season...
You bring nothing
but a bad day -
as they say
see you next Tuesday.
Feeling down
will it matter -
will my feet
go pitter patter...
or will it be
a waste of hope -
to drive away
and learn to cope...
with rejection
once again -
sometimes I feel
I just can't win...
Yet I put myself
on the line -
I'll see what happens
one more time.
At least I have
some memories -
left to take
away with me...
I was kept
quite far away -
as you lived
your life your way...
Not one to let
anyone intrude -
not even clothes,
cards or food...
I guess you felt
no duty -
even in death
I can see...
I never mattered
much to you -
I always knew
that was true.
Small as a mouse
hidden away -
sneaking around
with no one to play...
Nowhere to go
and there is no cheese -
not a crack in the door
to feel the breeze...
All the other
mice are now dead -
I guess you can't
hide under the bed...
You must get up
and run away -
before they lead
your life their way.
I am hungry
with no appetite -
I want to live
but have lost the fight...
There isn't much
left for me to see -
but I choose to continue
in my dignity...
Because I am
a child of God -
I'm not sure why
the kingdom nod...
but I know
that he loves me -
and I am his
for eternity!
Nobody does
it's all on you -
why did you believe
dreams come true...
Maybe for some
that is the way -
for others it's just
another grey day...
You rise to see
nothing to hope -
you do whatever
you can to cope...
There is no luster
there is no glee -
just living to die
eventually.
It's quiet now
I am alone -
with my thoughts
inside my home...
What will be
where will I go -
the future is something
I can't know...
But I can
try each day -
to do my best
in every way...
and eventually
I will see -
it was all
meant to be.
The lawnmower sound
in the background -
the lazy Sunday
just to lounge around...
I'm so thankful
for another day -
where I am healthy
and able to say...
Thank you Lord
for my blessed life -
for making me
a mom and a wife...
So many mistakes
with lessons too -
is why I gave
my heart to you...
You literally answer
my deepest prayers -
I feel peace knowing
you are always there...
and when this life
is over for me -
in your presence
is where I will be!
Is anything
out there -
is life ever
really fair?
Do we ride
and die -
or just straight
up lie...
Things become
so numb -
the table leaves
a crumb...
as you try
to feel hope -
doing things
to just cope...
with how you
are let down -
and there is
no one around.
The past is left behind
vaporized in the wind -
it is place in the mind
you will never be again...
There may be reminders
a song or a place -
there are happy days
that can never be replaced...
Then there are those
that you have to let go -
release them to heaven
and use them to grow.
Here I am once again
same place different view -
I should be surprised
but it is now nothing new...
Pushed out again
left in the murky dust -
parking in the front
was a final care less must...
I don't want to be
where they do not care -
or where I am the one
who is treated unfair...
I'm not sure why
they treat me that way -
it's the same situation
different place, different day.
I don't know why
I always try -
I'm living it
to just get bye...
People show that
they are mean -
none of them
are as they seem...
Run away
hide your head -
get away
before you're dead -
leave these monsters
in the past -
another hope
that didn't last.
The world is cruel
the people mean -
most of them aren't
as they seem...
Bitter and angry
wanting their way -
speaking quite rudely
with whatever they say...
I've learned to avoid
most that I see -
with any and all
kept away from me...
I walk away quickly
and never look back -
avoiding their hate
and their sneering attack.
Staring out the window
as the cars go by -
wondering where they're going
and wondering why...
Everyone is in a hurry
no time to stop and see -
anyone around them
or the nearby scenery...
Just getting through
when all is in the way -
dealing with the haziness
on another hazy day.
White lines and poster art
watching the sun come up -
somewhere stuck between
too much and not enough...
Wild nights in Texas
I'd say they were the days -
staying skinny while in
a snow blown haze...
We were young with
the world at our front door -
and every weekend
we were looking for some more...
Baggies and razors kept
deep down in our purse -
we thought we'd feel better
but we'd end up feeling worse...
Some are now gone
some names forgotten now -
but every once in a while
I think about how...
We had those...
Wild nights in Texas
I'd say they were the days
staying skinny while in
a snow blown haze.
I can't worry about tomorrow
or dwell on yesterday -
all that I can do now
is to hope, wish and pray...
That everything I do
will lead to a better way -
of living out my life
on another hopeful day...
I've seen a lot of demons
and I've hugged some angels too -
you have to be quite careful
of who you let through...
The lens of your eyes
with what you know is true -
I believe there is a fate
that everything goes through...
So I won't worry now
though it is is hard to do -
I will simply just believe
until all my dreams come true.
Perched up above
looking down at it all -
when you're up high
everything looks so small...
Signs are lit up
a cross shines bright -
as I watch the day
fade away into night...
Will I still be here
in a month or two -
will this be the year
my dreams come true...
So much has changed
with a positive spin -
I'm making the choice
and determined to win.
It's dreary here
four stories high -
as I watch the
cars go bye...
I've tried so hard
to leave behind -
all that I don't
want as mine...
Yet sometimes still
they appear -
No matter where
they still are near...
These chains will bust
when I break free -
and live the life
I dream to see.
Even if everyone
in the whole wide world -
doesn't believe in you...
You take the lead
and show yourself -
there's nothing you can't do...
Not one single person
matters or holds -
the high authority...
to take or make
your dreams and visions
your own reality...
So keep on going
climbing those hills -
believing in your goal...
Soon you will be
actually living -
what is within your soul.
She stared out her window
to see nothing new -
there wasn't anything else
that she could really do...
So many decisions
always the wrong one -
far from her happiness
far from her fun...
Even though it's quiet
it is loud in her mind -
she wonders all alone
will there ever be a time...
She's happy from inside
fulfilled to the brim -
She looks to the sky
silently wondering when?
Sometimes
I think of you -
and all that
we went through...
You were smart
a dad like gem -
during the fall
I think of then...
Crazy talks
and happy times -
I learned so much
you let me shine...
You treated me
like a queen -
I saw my eyes
actually beam...
I hope that you
are so happy -
and smile if you
ever think of me.
I won't never
ever again -
I'm not the same fool
I was back then...
believing in
people's petty words -
it now seems
completely absurd...
Always run
when being chased -
or else you
will have to face...
What you knew
you shouldn't do -
staring straight
back at you.
I just wanna know -
Why oh why
ever did I...
Is this it -
before I finally
die?
Just a waste -
of time
and space...
Can I get away -
from this
rat race...
Just move on
before life
is gone...
Why did I -
will I live
before I die.
Spotlights
and cameras
red carpets too...
Gowns
and tiaras
spectacular views...
Money
and men
all attention on you...
Soaring
sky high
as you break through...
Temptations
turn out
to be rough...
Before
you know it
they call your bluff...
Sometimes
everything
is not enough...
Maybe
the good life
is actually tough.
It's quiet now
the voices left behind -
where they are always
having a good time....
The lovely shops
dinners on the dock -
everyone singing
that it is five o'clock...
Such happy faces with
stories that never end -
where the island sun sets
and Mile 0 begins...
It tugs at my heart
to watch as I fly away -
but I will be back
and will long for that day.
Bogies to my left
and bogies to my right -
every single day
it's a concrete fight...
It doesn't even matter
if it's day or if it's night -
there's bogies to my left
and bogies to my right...
Lots of honking horns
and cars in the way -
trying to get around
another metal display...
They play bumper cars
as you try to get away-
from bogies all around
every single day.
She wiped the
salty tears away -
living another
dreary day...
While feeling like
a waste of space -
with lots of
memories to erase...
Nothing seems
to get ahead -
she wish she'd stayed
in her bed...
No one to see
no one to care -
this life is never
ever fair.
Life is fleeting
not sure why -
people are born
and people die...
Each one of us
every single day -
live this life
in our own way...
Never knowing
what day is the last -
making memories
that live in the past...
Where one day
we are the old photos -
that people wonder who
and nobody knows.
Sweet solitude
allows to grow -
the dreams inside
that you know...
Give your life
purpose and hope -
a simple prayer
will help you cope...
with anything
too heavy to bear -
God is always
waiting there...
to comfort you
and lead with love -
to all those dreams
you're dreaming of.
I can only
ever agree -
to be the best
that I can be...
To treat others
with dignity -
and hope they do
the same for me...
Always keep
a separate pace -
and always know
time and place...
Go the distance
handle with care -
enjoy the journey
getting there.
Trust and believe
it will all be alright -
put in the effort
put up the fight...
you will get out
what you put in -
as long as you try
you will always win!
Here it is
another day -
I wasn't sure
it would be this way...
It was a bite
it was a sting -
what anxiety
it did bring...
Still I awoke
one more time -
to give thanks
and to shine...
with a purpose
to find out -
what this life
is all about.
They really did it
shot it through the air -
it's like nothing else
was left standing there...
Everything I had
taken away from me -
all that I worked for
stolen underhandedly...
Abused and unhinged
lied to in my face -
certain memories
will never be erased...
Longing to escape
the past tragedy -
while searching ahead
somewhat frantically.
I just know
I'm letting go -
of this tidal wave
to and fro...
You don't give
a fuck about me -
I give that back
quite freely...
I don't care
a fuck about you -
where you go
or what you do...
I hope I won't
see you again -
you're no lover
or a friend...
You're a waste
of precious time -
You won't get
anymore of mine!
Feeling hopeless
feeling down -
like a failure
all around...
Seems it's all
a waste of time -
walking this
confusing line...
Nothing is ever
good enough -
for anybody
which is tough...
Still I do
always try -
I have to wonder
exactly why.
It is way
beyond gone -
as all have now
scattered on...
All the memories
had to go -
with strangers that
I used to know...
Some pictures hold
a fading few -
happy things
I used to do...
As I smile
through faded tears -
while passing through
these passing years.
Don't shop at the
candy shop -
no no no don't
shop till you drop...
It might look
quite shiny -
but keep on going
before you might be...
The next victim
with a big white smile -
snorting what
can last for a mile...
But there you are
with a purple toe -
and the tag
lets everyone know...
You checked out
and it's over now -
don't even listen
to the kitten meow.
I can't feel
at least not now -
this world has gone
insane somehow...
Hope in the future
is gone with the wind -
I suppose normal
will not be again...
What is there to gain
in this debauchery -
who wants to live
anything but free...
I don't get it
and I never will -
everyone needs
to fucking chill!
It's quiet
and relaxing -
after so much movement...
I'm thankful
for my blessings -
and all that I have...
Nothing is more
important -
than who we love...
and who loves you...
because I do...
love you!
It was a beautiful view,
crystal clear
relaxing,
better things ahead...
Until the dirt
was tossed,
and tossed
and tossed again...
So thick
the view was gone,
too muddy to climb
too thick to shovel,
so dirty
it wasn't worth it anymore.
Down about
being worn out -
not much to be
happy about...
Another day
to drizzle away -
I hang my head
and quietly pray...
That this will end
very soon -
there is no hope
nor is no room...
Nothing matters
nothing is alive -
the world is gone
and all has died.
Raggedy doors
concrete floors -
blood drips down...
Dilated
then stimulated -
no one is around...
running through
is nothing new -
as I race towards the sign...
that let me know
where to go -
and find this life of mine.
Sending it
quietly -
I wish I had
you with me...
You are so
far away -
I miss you
and yesterday...
The dance
was so surreal -
I never knew
I could feel...
I still don't
even know -
why it all
had to go.
Welled up
from the inside -
no need to try
no need to hide...
Just floating
passing it by -
no need to think
no need to cry...
It's always been
this messed up way -
since that time
and long ago day...
What I'd give
to actually know -
why I ever even
said hello.
He drove country roads
with a big wide smile -
in a pick up truck
for mile after mile...
with his loving wife
right by his side -
they always enjoyed
a nice country drive...
He lived his life
as a Godly man -
as a loving husband
and a football fan...
He always had a joke
and a silly grin -
he was a happy dad
and a faithful friend...
He strummed guitar
to John Denver songs -
while those around
would laugh and sing along...
He wore a cowboy hat
with jeans and boots -
he knew how to survive
he knew how to shoot...
He loved his mom
and the Lord above -
he was an example
of strength and love..
Though it is hard
and broke hearts into -
there was nothing left
anyone could do...
wanting to go home
was his dying wish -
so we bid farewell
to his heavenly bliss.
Until we meet again...
Uncle Doug 1955-2021
Oh dear Lord
another day -
has come along
and I must say...
I thank you Lord
as you give -
hope and strength
in this life we live...
Until that day
I'm at your feet -
and in your glory
I will weep...
As for now
I will push through -
my dear Lord
I believe in you!
It's quiet -
my thoughts are
loud...
Sometimes -
I am alone in a
crowd...
Living life -
is usually lived
best...
When you are -
no longer concerned
with the rest...
Because really -
think it all
through...
Who in the hell -
is concerned with
you.
I'm happy
doing what I want -
I don't need to be
the thirsty debutant...
I'm free
doing what I love
I have risen
so far above...
The wannabee's
it's not where it's at -
I can be thankful
I didn't buy into that...
All those behind
are dust in my wake -
I have no time for diamonds
that are fake.
Why am I always
too nice...
Apple spice -
While paying
the high price...
of dealing with
quite insane...
Same mundane -
I won't even
say their name...
Jealous fools -
with stupid rules
past uncool...
See ya!
I so enjoyed
the sand and sea -
where I know
I need to be...
Coming home
is bitter sweet -
one day I will
live on the street...
that leads to a
sunny shore seabed -
seagulls and palm trees
overhead...
Where music comes
from barefoot men -
where smiles light up
from within...
I've always known
since my first time -
I need to finally
make it mine!
Will I
or won't I -
as these
days go by...
Why worry
what's true -
when there's nothing
you can do...
Maybe space
and time -
will relax
these nerves of mine.
I have regrets
oh yes, a few -
I have things
I should do...
I have thoughts
I wish would leave -
I have beliefs
I can't believe...
Yet here I am
until I'm dead -
while in this life
I move ahead...
No matter who
is by my side -
I will live
while I'm alive...
Don't let the tears
ruin your day -
and please leave
when you can't stay.
It comes once a week
not needed and used...
It's loud and not pretty
tossed out and abused...
It's looked down upon
thrown out with the rest...
It's pushed away rudely
not considered the best...
It's taken for granted
no care if it's gone...
and so it goes freely
when it's time to move on.
The day the parade
went away...
It never existed
back in the day...
It was a fragment
of the mind...
That faded and
disappeared over time...
There were never
any funny clowns...
Just hidden illusions
to let you down...
Pretend it's all
been one bad dream...
Things are really never
as they seem.
Sitting and
just looking out -
dealing with
inner self doubt...
Will there be
a brighter day -
when the storms
all go away...
Stuck in
the same routine -
that doesn't even
mean a thing...
I wonder where
this will lead -
and when the chains
will all be freed.
Don't let
it stop you -
do what you
need to do...
Keep on going
for the win -
accidents will
happen again...
Laugh it off
heal your wound -
work will pay off
really soon...
Hold your head
cure yourself -
you are your
only help.
As they went
so shall we -
so shall you
and so shall me...
All of it
just swept away -
no more night
and no more day...
Such is fleeting
such is pain -
eventually
nothing will remain...
All is done
no more strife -
no more future
no more life.
Cry when you
need to cry -
when you have questions
ask yourself why...
Be careful who
you open up to -
most people don't
care about you...
Leave regrets
where they should be -
then take back
your own dignity...
Nothing that's here
will last that long -
believe in yourself
and remain strong.
Why oh why
do I do it again -
I wish I could go
back to when...
This wasn't even
a part of me -
now I know
and plainly see...
It shouldn't be
part of my life -
with my own hands
I twist the knife...
realizing how
I never will -
I'm choosing that
and to heal.
How can it
be full -
when it's empty...
How can you
you starve -
when there's plenty...
How can it
be good -
when it's bad...
How can you
smile wide -
when you're sad...
How can you
reach high -
when you're low...
How do you
face reality -
that you know.
I saw another place
I wanted to see -
I've taken my life back
living for me...
Rid of what I
didn't like anyway -
No one to control
any part of my day...
I am so free
and can clearly see -
I'll never again be
where I don't want to be.
It's that time
to come to life again...
I feel so happy
like I did back then...
The weather is warm
as the sun shines bright...
The days will last
into the warm night..
Spring and summer
is life for me...
I am content
and so happy!
It's snowing in Texas
big flakes coming down -
a perfect day for romance
and laying around...
I'm baking some cupcakes
and making good food -
flowers, candy and candles
are setting the mood...
Loving and cuddling
this cold day away -
Watching funny movies
staying warm where we lay...
Enjoying the beauty
with a white window view -
fur babies close by
sharing my love with you!
I don't feel
loved by you -
I feel hated
through and through...
Boundaries
don't abound -
Someday soon
I won't be around...
I just don't know
why I do -
I regret the moment
that I met you.
Get that shovel
to dig that hole -
once again
hide like a mole...
It is time
to start brand new -
I don't know really
what to do...
Hands tied tight
stuck together -
Insecurities
that aren't sure ever...
Hide away
like you always do -
and avoid them all
it's nothing new.
Have you ever felt
two inches tall -
like you don't even
matter at all...
Where people can't
treat you right -
where the world is dark
without any light...
You'd run away if
you had somewhere to go -
but there is no point
and you feel so low...
So all you do is
exist through the day -
wondering how
it ended up this way.
Let it all go
roll off your back -
Turn it all off
fade to black...
Don't hold on to
past irritations -
enjoy your life
take some vacations...
Dismiss the people
who bring you down -
get rid of who and what
should not be around...
Ghost when needed
hold close what is true -
follow your own path
do what's good for you.
I have those regrets
that haven't left just yet...
I wish I had not followed
advice that was hollowed...
Now it's only me
left alone to see...
How stupid I have been
and wish that I had then...
Turned and left the scene
but that's a worn out dream.
It takes me back
to a place in time -
when we were young
and you were mine...
We were so innocent
fresh and new -
with the world ahead
so much to do...
You were funny
so very kind -
we talked on the phone
all of the time...
Date nights out
on those Saturday nights -
young kids in love
with silly fights...
Those were the days
no one can take away -
I think fondly of you
to this very day.
I would drive -
I would wish upon a star...
I would dream
just us alone in my car...
The melodies
would flow through the air...
Me lost in thoughts
while getting us there...
Independent
single and free...
It was my youth
it was you and me...
Influences and lyrics
so many now gone...
But those dreams
and our memories live on.
We're not promised
anything -
Nor can predict
what life will bring...
Every day
is a new start -
So give your all
and share your heart...
Try to be
a beacon of light -
for those who've lost
the will to fight...
Always hold out
a helping hand -
for those who need
an honest friend.
The sun still rose
flowers still bloom -
I can look forward to
Christmas lights soon...
The people that need
to be gone are gone -
I found my strength
and moved totally on...
Never ever again
will I even allow -
a stranger in my life
to my here and now...
I won't even speak
or address them again -
a lying piece of shit
disguised as a friend.
