These goals set
within my mind
include only me...
They are not meant
for anyone else
to decide or see...
I put the pressure
where it belongs
that only I know...
Accomplishing
my intentions
watching myself grow...
My heads held high
no time to stop
for negativity...
I am too busy
on my path
to create a better me.
She was here
this time last year -
now she's gone
and it is clear...
We will never
laugh again -
I don't know how
and don't know when...
This bond we have
could ever sever -
because our bond
goes on forever...
Laughter, tears
and in between -
the things we did
and things we've seen...
Makes me miss you
that much more -
You are loved
that is for sure!
You are different
you matter to me -
I don't know how
to make you see...
That I care what
becomes of you -
and I will do
what you need me to...
I'm there for you
you're there for me -
we are soulmates
for eternity...
Nothing can break
our strange little bond -
even if one of us
is dead and gone...
We had the time
of our lives together -
and you will be
in my heart forever.
I'll live my life without you
just as I did before -
soon I'll grow accustom
to being single and unsure...
You were a special segment
but now it's torn away -
I must put the pieces back
and live now day by day...
Another endless heartache
another teardrop gone -
but I know I've got the strength
I know I can go on...
Your love I'll soon forget
I'll bury it so deep -
it will never haunt me
it I will not keep...
So now it all has ended
the heaven and the hell -
the best to both our futures
and all that time will tell.
Music is like
a time machine -
it takes you back
in a daydream...
All of the sudden
you're ten again -
remembering exactly
what happened then...
You see the moment
you feel the air -
you're alive again
as you were there...
Drifting back
to that moment in time -
as the music fills up
you soul and mind.
I will just keep it
all inside -
and find my trusty
hole to hide...
because I know
in reality -
it is all left
up to me...
Silence echos
in my ears -
to care less evens
out my fears...
because I've learned
it is not there -
and I've learned
to never care.
I think of you
frequently -
do you ever
think of me...
Deep inside
I hope you know -
it was hard
to watch you go...
You made me laugh
and made me cry -
when we said
the final goodbye...
But just because
it wasn't me -
I truly hope
you are happy.
I do admit
it gives me pause -
seeing the scary
turbulent cause...
sends me in a
different direction -
with a lot of
tough reflection...
If it is not
meant to be there -
then I wonder
exactly where...
I should be
or I should go -
and how I will
ever know?
The curtains close
the clock is stopped -
the wood floor creaks
during the walk...
Demons hover
angels soar high -
the key turns quietly
as they die...
Sharp shards cut
the bloody flow -
secrets buried
no one will know...
history hides
beneath the dirt -
as the haunted live
walking the earth.
Save it for
the ride home -
save it until
you are alone...
You can let it
all out then -
by yourself
at least till ten...
Where you can
hide in privacy -
and let the tears
all flow freely.
Tears rim my eyes
as I feel defeated -
so many times
I have repeated...
Choices that kill
and clog my mind -
with people who are
rude and unkind...
I feel mistakes
have ruined my hope -
I find it difficult
just to cope...
I don't hold belief
in anything here -
as I watch all
happiness disappear.
Things are about to get
completely real -
I'm about to express
exactly how I feel...
What I will put up with
what I won't do -
what I have decided
I will pursue...
I have one shot
and this is my time -
I will dictate
what will be mine...
I don't need anyone
ever at all -
my life, my choices
and my call.
Well here it is
it's been a year -
I'm kind of shocked
that I'm still here...
There is good
and there is bad -
I suppose it's better
than what I had...
Some things loom
in front of me -
All I can do
is wait and see...
if the dream
becomes reality -
and that vision
comes to be.
You would be
in your twenties now -
if the outcome had been
different somehow...
I wonder what
you would have been -
if that had not
happened then...
The bathroom blood
my agonizing cries -
the trip up the mountain
when I heard your goodbye...
It was traumatic
it tore me into -
I felt the guilt of
not cherishing you...
Because when I did
and became aware -
it was too late
you were no longer there...
I pray from my heart
the sign was true -
Don't worry mommy
I'll look after you.
I'll work on my own
patience and empathy -
I'll try to snuff out anger
and offer sympathy...
Behind closed doors
everyone lives their life -
no one else knows
their problems and strife...
So once again I will
choose to rise above -
and try to fill this world
with happiness and love...
Maybe I will make
someone else feel good -
being the kind of person
that I believe I should.
I believe in me
I don't need you
to do that too...
I wonder to myself
do you even
believe in you...
People come and
then they go
this much is true...
but caring at all
what you think
I assure I will never do.
I don't know why
you're always so rude -
but I'm pretty sick of
your salty attitude...
You create things
to complain about -
you're a miserable person
inside no doubt...
I've decided to
completely ignore you -
I'll always avoid
ever having to do...
anything where
you might be -
I do not appreciate
how you treat me...
I don't want you
as any kind of friend -
so go be hateful elsewhere
this is my end.
Will I make it
I will see -
because sometimes
I want to flee...
from the faces
and monotony -
that I deal with
almost daily...
Little things
are built way high -
watching the clock
slowly go by...
I couldn't care
when or why -
I walk away
and say goodbye.
.
It is always hitting
out of the blue...
but our dear Lisa
We all miss you...
Every day you
cross my mind -
and I remember
this or that time...
It's a physical pain
I'm sure we all feel -
how do we cope
how do we heal...
I often wonder what
your last thoughts were -
I wonder why
there was no cure...
It breaks all of
our hearts into -
why dear God
did it have to be you?
When I am gone
it will be the same way -
with everyone living
day to day...
Only a few
will really care -
remembering when
you were there...
So keep close
your chosen few -
who you love
and who loves you.
Does an angel carry you
gently on her wings -
do you kneel before God
while the angels sing...
Are your ancestors there
or friends that you knew -
Is it like a vivid dream
with a heavenly hue...
What are the heavens
beyond what it shows -
it's a complete mystery
no human can know...
We trust and believe
but it's sobering too -
when your body dies
what becomes of you?
Remember the night
we spilled the whole tray -
that poor waitress
working that day...
Or when you jumped my fence
and said call your mom -
as I worried about Brandon
while I was working and gone...
Or when I broke my fingers
leaving your place -
you called the next day laughing
with love and grace...
Or when Jared saved Garrett
with the abdominal thrust -
and then he kept on eating because
your potato salad was a must...
Or when you taught us all
about planting plants -
after hanging out and sharing
our many political rants...
We hung out at bars at night
and pools during the day -
we took many fun road trips
like Rockport in May...
Our kids, close friends
and all of our pets too -
You loved every single one
and they truly loved you...
D'Bun, Kia, Molly,
Buddy, Sasha and Bear -
through all of my fur babies
you cared and were there...
So how do we live knowing
that you are now gone -
how do we get the strength
to stand up and go on...
For me, in my heart I know
we will be together again -
so save me a seat
and I'll see you then.
Carry yourself
with dignity -
live your life
happily...
follow dreams
show you care -
be smart
play fair...
Do your best to
follow through -
find fun things
there are to do...
Each day is
a new slate -
for you to choose
your own fate.
What else can I do
except pray for you -
as I beg to God
for you to live through...
This horrible cancer
this sudden scare -
with all of my heart
I love you and care...
I keep you close
and dream at night -
that you have won
this unfair fight...
and we will speak
remembering when -
you had a health scare
that was back then.
Thankful for
another day -
Where I will
believe and pray -
To the one who
blesses me -
Blessed life
and blessed be
To the one
who sets me free -
From the ties
I let bind me.
When the memories
no longer sting -
when the thoughts
mean nothing...
It is a sign
you have moved on -
all that was hurt
is healed and gone...
You picked up
and packed it away -
when you thought
heartache would stay...
Now nothing inside
holds onto that time -
believe it or not
it all turned out fine...
So always look forward
to what is meant to be -
and never focus on
past negativity.
I can hear it
calling me -
within three weeks
I will be...
Where the water
meets the sand -
on my happy
sun drenched land...
Flip flops, sundresses
windblown hair -
I can't wait
until I am there...
Palm trees, flowers
drinks on a patio -
I hear it calling
and ready to go..
Breath in the breeze
and salty air -
within three weeks
I will be there!
Determination
drifts through the air -
I awaken to
find it there...
Flowers blossom
all around -
as I listen to
the sound...
of life inching
into the new day -
feeling grateful I am
learning to say...
I'm choosing to
believe in me -
and doing my best
to live happily.
Ding dong
the witch is gone -
the wicked witch
has moved on...
Glad to see
with no apology -
that they have moved
gives me glee...
So many people
left in their wake -
one more problem
one more mistake...
Now they have
moved far away -
karma is a friend
and will always stay...
Near to those who
abuse their power -
leaving behind
all those they devour...
Who remember well
their lies and deceit -
no longer is the world
at their feet.
It was attached
clinging to me -
yet they helped
and broke it free...
Symbolic how
it happened then -
it will not happen
ever again...
Already it is
a lighter feel -
already it is
starting to heal...
Just like the hell
I used to know -
I felt relief
to watch it go!
Mistakes
will be made -
Regrets will
appear...
Showing
forgiveness -
helps
with the fear...
Sometimes
it's you -
and sometimes
it's them...
Accidents
will always -
happen
once again...
Learn
from the sting -
then just
let it go...
Use all
your lessons -
then watch
how you grow.
In the way
on a rainy day -
wish I could
fly far away...
Maybe soar
way up high -
watching life
as it flies bye...
left alone to
ask myself why -
I even ever
start or try...
Never matter
much at all -
standing up to
only fall...
fleeting care
left long ago -
can't lift up
what's very low.
It is where
I should be -
with my family
next to me...
We all laughed
and danced away -
it is where
I should stay...
Happy times
were had by all -
sometimes you need
to have a ball...
enjoying life
with each other -
finding new things
to discover.
Going through the motions
on a dreary day -
wish I was anywhere
that is far away...
If only I was upbeat
as some seem to be -
it never lasts long
at least not with me..
It's hard to fly high
when you ride low -
it's hard to smile
when it's just for show...
Nothing is fulfilling
just more empty words -
thinking it will change
is simply absurd.
It's temporary
anyway -
take it all just
day by day...
Don't get used to
this routine -
things are never
as they seem...
Always be ready
for the new -
moving on is
what's to do...
Don't hold tight
keep at bay -
until it's time to
go away...
and start it all
all over again -
it's not if
it's always when.
They still escape
and rim my eyes -
as I'm left alone
with my cries...
It seems it's just
a waste of hope -
learning again
how to cope...
No one to tell
no one to trust -
doing all the
things I must...
or are expected
to always do -
somehow I have
to pull through.
I will treat you
how you treat me -
it doesn't really matter
who you think you might be...
You are a nothing
inside of my mind -
if you can't be nice
or you can't be kind...
Get out of my face
go far far away -
don't be near me
as I have nothing to say...
Nor do I want to
waste my time with you -
Fuck right off
I have better things to do.
The chains that bind
are locked by you -
you're the one
who must break through...
You care too much
and fret too deep -
you can't undo
so do not keep...
the insecurities
circling around -
keeping you scared
keeping you down...
what was done
and what was said -
living torment
in your head...
let them go
with the cold wind -
you never have to
live it again.
Sometimes we don't make
choices that are good -
sometimes we don't do
what we know we should...
In regretful memories
that break your heart into -
remember you were trying
just to get through...
So give yourself slack
and somewhat of a break -
when you took on decisions
that decided your fate...
be your own best friend
be gentle with your mind -
treat yourself well
and always be kind.
What is there
to look forward to -
what is there
left to do...
been there
done that -
got the shirt
got the hat...
The sun rises
then sets again -
Some with losses
Some with wins...
Nothing exciting
dangling ahead -
close the drapes
crawl in bed...
Not much matters
anyways -
wasted nights
and wasted days.
It's so cold
Inside and out -
filled with remorse
filled with doubt...
What will be
in this icy haze -
what will come
in the coming days...
Hidden away
safe and alone -
even if I hide
in my own home...
From everyone
and tangled pain -
living a life
tryin in vain...
Only to find
it's a waste of time -
living a life that
isn't even mine.
I'm praying for you
from afar -
they don't know
why you are...
living in your
own built hell -
you could try
but could never tell...
the lies you've lived
the tears you've shed -
while others were safe
and tucked in bed...
you were stuck
out in those streets -
they call you lazy
they call you meek...
Sometimes life
just isn't clear -
rise above
the assholes here.
Some situations
you should never repeat -
You were in the fire
and felt the heat...
When betrayed
by those you trust -
tossing them away
is something you must...
learn to let
be part of your life -
let them all go
lose all their strife...
You can be happy
without discontent -
follow their actions
to know what they meant...
Walk away with your
head held high -
they say hello
as you say goodbye.
