Trying to keep it
together again -
as I battle this
sadness within...
Wondering why
she fell so ill -
Questioning always
how does she feel...
Can she hold on
and end up ok -
will this illness
please go away...
I can't lose another
love of my life -
this year has been
such deathly strife...
Please get well
I love you so -
Precious Sasha
please don't go.
I never hold on
I just look back -
to those moments
that I now lack...
I visit like a ghost
just drifting bye -
no attention needed
no reason to try...
I revisit times
that are far away -
none of it matters
in the current day...
Maybe I looked up
to people that I knew -
not realizing what
I would go through...
but I was there
in a distant memory -
remembering what
will never again be.
I'm doing all I can
to keep you alive -
My only wish is
that you survive...
I miss you and
that personality -
I'm begging you
not to leave me...
Many fun times
lay out ahead -
Many warm nights
snuggled in bed...
We need you here
for the dynamic duo -
get well my baby
please don't go.
I don't belong
anywhere -
Not over here
not over there...
It is always
one more thing -
with all the chores
that my life brings...
Running around
in all directions -
with my choices
as my reflections...
Regrets always
make their way -
as I live this life
one more day.
When cut
over and over
the scar tissue heals...
It becomes
so tough
you can no longer feel...
It's almost
as if
it is void of pain...
That area
will never
feel the same...
Rip off
the band aid
and throw it away...
You never
deserved
to be hurt that way.
I literally love him
more than anything -
when I see him arrive
what joy it brings...
He's so adorable
and precious too -
he's my angel
through and through...
He brings his dog
and hangs for awhile -
he makes me laugh
he makes me smile...
the best blessing
I've ever had -
is my sweet son
and I'm so glad...
that he is here
and I'm able to say -
thank you God
for another day!
I don't want to
but I will -
because that is
the real deal...
If you want money
you play the part -
if you want love
you give your heart...
It's a transaction
no matter who -
it's up to you
what you do...
life is just
a trading game -
you learn the tricks
or you go insane...
but you must always
follow through -
because your future
depends on you.
Sometimes
it's hard to see -
life has blessings
meant to be...
Appreciated
especially for -
giving hope
and expecting more...
So don't forget
to be grateful -
Try to eliminate
all the hateful...
People and things
that bring you down -
never keep
negativity around...
Make choices
that bring you peace -
giving stress
complete release.
Wounded
so many times -
Tears abide from
heartache crimes...
Searching
never to see -
what to choose
what is to be...
Lost
never found -
eventually
they're not around...
Wasting
days and nights -
hoping it
will be alright...
Dreaming
so far away -
it's the same story
on a different day.
There are those
that have no light -
their souls are
as dark as night...
They have no joy
no friendly smiles -
all their words are
of their trials...
Don't let them take
away your grace -
or the happiness
from your face...
Ignore their words
just walk away -
and then enjoy
your happy day.
These goals set
within my mind
include only me...
They are not meant
for anyone else
to decide or see...
I put the pressure
where it belongs
that only I know...
Accomplishing
my intentions
watching myself grow...
My heads held high
no time to stop
for negativity...
I am too busy
on my path
to create a better me.
She was here
this time last year -
now she's gone
and it is clear...
We will never
laugh again -
I don't know how
and don't know when...
This bond we have
could ever sever -
because our bond
goes on forever...
Laughter, tears
and in between -
the things we did
and things we've seen...
Makes me miss you
that much more -
You are loved
that is for sure!
You are different
you matter to me -
I don't know how
to make you see...
That I care what
becomes of you -
and I will do
what you need me to...
I'm there for you
you're there for me -
we are soulmates
for eternity...
Nothing can break
our strange little bond -
even if one of us
is dead and gone...
We had the time
of our lives together -
and you will be
in my heart forever.
I'll live my life without you
just as I did before -
soon I'll grow accustom
to being single and unsure...
You were a special segment
but now it's torn away -
I must put the pieces back
and live now day by day...
Another endless heartache
another teardrop gone -
but I know I've got the strength
I know I can go on...
Your love I'll soon forget
I'll bury it so deep -
it will never haunt me
it I will not keep...
So now it all has ended
the heaven and the hell -
the best to both our futures
and all that time will tell.
Music is like
a time machine -
it takes you back
in a daydream...
All of the sudden
you're ten again -
remembering exactly
what happened then...
You see the moment
you feel the air -
you're alive again
as you were there...
Drifting back
to that moment in time -
as the music fills up
you soul and mind.
I will just keep it
all inside -
and find my trusty
hole to hide...
because I know
in reality -
it is all left
up to me...
Silence echos
in my ears -
to care less evens
out my fears...
because I've learned
it is not there -
and I've learned
to never care.
I think of you
frequently -
do you ever
think of me...
Deep inside
I hope you know -
it was hard
to watch you go...
You made me laugh
and made me cry -
when we said
the final goodbye...
But just because
it wasn't me -
I truly hope
you are happy.
I do admit
it gives me pause -
seeing the scary
turbulent cause...
sends me in a
different direction -
with a lot of
tough reflection...
If it is not
meant to be there -
then I wonder
exactly where...
I should be
or I should go -
and how I will
ever know?
The curtains close
the clock is stopped -
the wood floor creaks
during the walk...
Demons hover
angels soar high -
the key turns quietly
as they die...
Sharp shards cut
the bloody flow -
secrets buried
no one will know...
history hides
beneath the dirt -
as the haunted live
walking the earth.
Save it for
the ride home -
save it until
you are alone...
You can let it
all out then -
by yourself
at least till ten...
Where you can
hide in privacy -
and let the tears
all flow freely.
Tears rim my eyes
as I feel defeated -
so many times
I have repeated...
Choices that kill
and clog my mind -
with people who are
rude and unkind...
I feel mistakes
have ruined my hope -
I find it difficult
just to cope...
I don't hold belief
in anything here -
as I watch all
happiness disappear.
Things are about to get
completely real -
I'm about to express
exactly how I feel...
What I will put up with
what I won't do -
what I have decided
I will pursue...
I have one shot
and this is my time -
I will dictate
what will be mine...
I don't need anyone
ever at all -
my life, my choices
and my call.
Well here it is
it's been a year -
I'm kind of shocked
that I'm still here...
There is good
and there is bad -
I suppose it's better
than what I had...
Some things loom
in front of me -
All I can do
is wait and see...
if the dream
becomes reality -
and that vision
comes to be.
You would be
in your twenties now -
if the outcome had been
different somehow...
I wonder what
you would have been -
if that had not
happened then...
The bathroom blood
my agonizing cries -
the trip up the mountain
when I heard your goodbye...
It was traumatic
it tore me into -
I felt the guilt of
not cherishing you...
Because when I did
and became aware -
it was too late
you were no longer there...
I pray from my heart
the sign was true -
Don't worry mommy
I'll look after you.
I'll work on my own
patience and empathy -
I'll try to snuff out anger
and offer sympathy...
Behind closed doors
everyone lives their life -
no one else knows
their problems and strife...
So once again I will
choose to rise above -
and try to fill this world
with happiness and love...
Maybe I will make
someone else feel good -
being the kind of person
that I believe I should.
I believe in me
I don't need you
to do that too...
I wonder to myself
do you even
believe in you...
People come and
then they go
this much is true...
but caring at all
what you think
I assure I will never do.
I don't know why
you're always so rude -
but I'm pretty sick of
your salty attitude...
You create things
to complain about -
you're a miserable person
inside no doubt...
I've decided to
completely ignore you -
I'll always avoid
ever having to do...
anything where
you might be -
I do not appreciate
how you treat me...
I don't want you
as any kind of friend -
so go be hateful elsewhere
this is my end.
Will I make it
I will see -
because sometimes
I want to flee...
from the faces
and monotony -
that I deal with
almost daily...
Little things
are built way high -
watching the clock
slowly go by...
I couldn't care
when or why -
I walk away
and say goodbye.
.
It is always hitting
out of the blue...
but our dear Lisa
We all miss you...
Every day you
cross my mind -
and I remember
this or that time...
It's a physical pain
I'm sure we all feel -
how do we cope
how do we heal...
I often wonder what
your last thoughts were -
I wonder why
there was no cure...
It breaks all of
our hearts into -
why dear God
did it have to be you?
When I am gone
it will be the same way -
with everyone living
day to day...
Only a few
will really care -
remembering when
you were there...
So keep close
your chosen few -
who you love
and who loves you.
Does an angel carry you
gently on her wings -
do you kneel before God
while the angels sing...
Are your ancestors there
or friends that you knew -
Is it like a vivid dream
with a heavenly hue...
What are the heavens
beyond what it shows -
it's a complete mystery
no human can know...
We trust and believe
but it's sobering too -
when your body dies
what becomes of you?
Remember the night
we spilled the whole tray -
that poor waitress
working that day...
Or when you jumped my fence
and said call your mom -
as I worried about Brandon
while I was working and gone...
Or when I broke my fingers
leaving your place -
you called the next day laughing
with love and grace...
Or when Jared saved Garrett
with the abdominal thrust -
and then he kept on eating because
your potato salad was a must...
Or when you taught us all
about planting plants -
after hanging out and sharing
our many political rants...
We hung out at bars at night
and pools during the day -
we took many fun road trips
like Rockport in May...
Our kids, close friends
and all of our pets too -
You loved every single one
and they truly loved you...
D'Bun, Kia, Molly,
Buddy, Sasha and Bear -
through all of my fur babies
you cared and were there...
So how do we live knowing
that you are now gone -
how do we get the strength
to stand up and go on...
For me, in my heart I know
we will be together again -
so save me a seat
and I'll see you then.
Carry yourself
with dignity -
live your life
happily...
follow dreams
show you care -
be smart
play fair...
Do your best to
follow through -
find fun things
there are to do...
Each day is
a new slate -
for you to choose
your own fate.
What else can I do
except pray for you -
as I beg to God
for you to live through...
This horrible cancer
this sudden scare -
with all of my heart
I love you and care...
I keep you close
and dream at night -
that you have won
this unfair fight...
and we will speak
remembering when -
you had a health scare
that was back then.
Thankful for
another day -
Where I will
believe and pray -
To the one who
blesses me -
Blessed life
and blessed be
To the one
who sets me free -
From the ties
I let bind me.
When the memories
no longer sting -
when the thoughts
mean nothing...
It is a sign
you have moved on -
all that was hurt
is healed and gone...
You picked up
and packed it away -
when you thought
heartache would stay...
Now nothing inside
holds onto that time -
believe it or not
it all turned out fine...
So always look forward
to what is meant to be -
and never focus on
past negativity.
I can hear it
calling me -
within three weeks
I will be...
Where the water
meets the sand -
on my happy
sun drenched land...
Flip flops, sundresses
windblown hair -
I can't wait
until I am there...
Palm trees, flowers
drinks on a patio -
I hear it calling
and ready to go..
Breath in the breeze
and salty air -
within three weeks
I will be there!
Determination
drifts through the air -
I awaken to
find it there...
Flowers blossom
all around -
as I listen to
the sound...
of life inching
into the new day -
feeling grateful I am
learning to say...
I'm choosing to
believe in me -
and doing my best
to live happily.
Ding dong
the witch is gone -
the wicked witch
has moved on...
Glad to see
with no apology -
that they have moved
gives me glee...
So many people
left in their wake -
one more problem
one more mistake...
Now they have
moved far away -
karma is a friend
and will always stay...
Near to those who
abuse their power -
leaving behind
all those they devour...
Who remember well
their lies and deceit -
no longer is the world
at their feet.
It was attached
clinging to me -
yet they helped
and broke it free...
Symbolic how
it happened then -
it will not happen
ever again...
Already it is
a lighter feel -
already it is
starting to heal...
Just like the hell
I used to know -
I felt relief
to watch it go!
Mistakes
will be made -
Regrets will
appear...
Showing
forgiveness -
helps
with the fear...
Sometimes
it's you -
and sometimes
it's them...
Accidents
will always -
happen
once again...
Learn
from the sting -
then just
let it go...
Use all
your lessons -
then watch
how you grow.
In the way
on a rainy day -
wish I could
fly far away...
Maybe soar
way up high -
watching life
as it flies bye...
left alone to
ask myself why -
I even ever
start or try...
Never matter
much at all -
standing up to
only fall...
fleeting care
left long ago -
can't lift up
what's very low.
It is where
I should be -
with my family
next to me...
We all laughed
and danced away -
it is where
I should stay...
Happy times
were had by all -
sometimes you need
to have a ball...
enjoying life
with each other -
finding new things
to discover.
Going through the motions
on a dreary day -
wish I was anywhere
that is far away...
If only I was upbeat
as some seem to be -
it never lasts long
at least not with me..
It's hard to fly high
when you ride low -
it's hard to smile
when it's just for show...
Nothing is fulfilling
just more empty words -
thinking it will change
is simply absurd.
It's temporary
anyway -
take it all just
day by day...
Don't get used to
this routine -
things are never
as they seem...
Always be ready
for the new -
moving on is
what's to do...
Don't hold tight
keep at bay -
until it's time to
go away...
and start it all
all over again -
it's not if
it's always when.
They still escape
and rim my eyes -
as I'm left alone
with my cries...
It seems it's just
a waste of hope -
learning again
how to cope...
No one to tell
no one to trust -
doing all the
things I must...
or are expected
to always do -
somehow I have
to pull through.
I will treat you
how you treat me -
it doesn't really matter
who you think you might be...
You are a nothing
inside of my mind -
if you can't be nice
or you can't be kind...
Get out of my face
go far far away -
don't be near me
as I have nothing to say...
Nor do I want to
waste my time with you -
Fuck right off
I have better things to do.
The chains that bind
are locked by you -
you're the one
who must break through...
You care too much
and fret too deep -
you can't undo
so do not keep...
the insecurities
circling around -
keeping you scared
keeping you down...
what was done
and what was said -
living torment
in your head...
let them go
with the cold wind -
you never have to
live it again.
Sometimes we don't make
choices that are good -
sometimes we don't do
what we know we should...
In regretful memories
that break your heart into -
remember you were trying
just to get through...
So give yourself slack
and somewhat of a break -
when you took on decisions
that decided your fate...
be your own best friend
be gentle with your mind -
treat yourself well
and always be kind.
What is there
to look forward to -
what is there
left to do...
been there
done that -
got the shirt
got the hat...
The sun rises
then sets again -
Some with losses
Some with wins...
Nothing exciting
dangling ahead -
close the drapes
crawl in bed...
Not much matters
anyways -
wasted nights
and wasted days.
It's so cold
Inside and out -
filled with remorse
filled with doubt...
What will be
in this icy haze -
what will come
in the coming days...
Hidden away
safe and alone -
even if I hide
in my own home...
From everyone
and tangled pain -
living a life
tryin in vain...
Only to find
it's a waste of time -
living a life that
isn't even mine.
I'm praying for you
from afar -
they don't know
why you are...
living in your
own built hell -
you could try
but could never tell...
the lies you've lived
the tears you've shed -
while others were safe
and tucked in bed...
you were stuck
out in those streets -
they call you lazy
they call you meek...
Sometimes life
just isn't clear -
rise above
the assholes here.
Some situations
you should never repeat -
You were in the fire
and felt the heat...
When betrayed
by those you trust -
tossing them away
is something you must...
learn to let
be part of your life -
let them all go
lose all their strife...
You can be happy
without discontent -
follow their actions
to know what they meant...
Walk away with your
head held high -
they say hello
as you say goodbye.
