It's so cold
Inside and out -
filled with remorse
filled with doubt...
What will be
in this icy haze -
what will come
in the coming days...
Hidden away
safe and alone -
even if I hide
in my own home...
From everyone
and tangled pain -
living a life
tryin in vain...
Only to find
it's a waste of time -
living a life that
isn't even mine.
I'm praying for you
from afar -
they don't know
why you are...
living in your
own built hell -
you could try
but could never tell...
the lies you've lived
the tears you've shed -
while others were safe
and tucked in bed...
you were stuck
out in those streets -
they call you lazy
they call you meek...
Sometimes life
just isn't clear -
rise above
the assholes here.
Some situations
you should never repeat -
You were in the fire
and felt the heat...
When betrayed
by those you trust -
tossing them away
is something you must...
learn to let
be part of your life -
let them all go
lose all their strife...
You can be happy
without discontent -
follow their actions
to know what they meant...
Walk away with your
head held high -
they say hello
as you say goodbye.
Be careful who
your friends are -
where you work
and where you are...
Their habits
will affect you too -
you start to do
what you wouldn't do...
You'll realize fast
they need to go -
as you find out
you don't need to know...
how their downfalls
will be yours too -
leave them behind
and focus on you.
I don't know
and starting to not care -
how do I end up
even here or there...
Sick of waiting for
the next tragedy -
what the hell is there
waiting for me...
Take everything
with a grain of salt -
some things are not
laying on my fault...
Let whomever think
what they need to -
there isn't anything else
that I can do.
Dig dig dig
Bury, bury, bury -
when things get
scary, scary, scary...
Don't even know
what was said and done -
Here I go again
another freaking one...
Bow out quietly
hide way below -
facing roadblocks
with nowhere to go.
I no longer hate
I wrapped it with a bow -
it was more than me
it was a whole show...
I gave it away
I no longer cry -
I don't question who
I don't question why...
For deep in my heart
I know the truth -
I was ready to fly
and live in my youth...
I'm so glad I did
now I am healed -
I see from the outside
the fates are sealed.
All you have to do
is wait a little while -
have faith in above
and you will soon smile...
from all the blessings
that come your way -
all you have to do
Is have faith and pray...
Love comes along
when you shed tears -
it might take weeks
It might take years...
Just keep the hope
and never give away -
your belief in yourself
when you stop and pray!
Staring at the
bright blue sky -
Trying to live
before I die...
God knows how
hard I try -
he also sees the
tears I cry...
So many words
cut the heart -
so many people
I must part...
Looking ahead
is the only part -
that gets me through
what I start...
For nothing seems
to turn out well -
I find myself in
another hell...
and I have
no one to tell -
I realize it is
just a spell...
Until this too
is left behind -
is it that hard
to just be kind.
I never thought
I would be sitting here -
Will I still be
in another year...
I am so happy that
good came my way -
here I am smiling
on a sunny day...
Surrounded by space
animals and trees -
living my best life
simply as me...
I give thanks
for this opportunity -
enjoying the views
and the luxury.
Well hello
It's been a while -
I've had some tears
and a big wide smile...
Once again
there I go -
into a world that
I did not know...
I started a job
that's a true dream -
Now I'm there
and it truly seems...
Like it is an
answered prayer -
I won't hold hope
but I'm glad I'm there...
To make the most
of the opportunity -
I'm thankful that
they decided on me.
Finally it's happening
what do I do -
once again
I always knew...
What took so long
I do not know -
but I'm ready now
time to just go...
I have nothing
and no one at all -
looks like I finally
had the last call...
I don't know why
But I won't again -
I'll leave it as just
another friend...
because I feel nothing
for anyone -
except a few people
and my sweet son...
I definitely don't feel
any heartbreak -
it was a waste of time
living life fake.
I definitely won't
choose to believe -
or hold my breath
trying to achieve...
any type
of future there -
maybe not
anywhere...
Existing as
I have for a while -
laying low and
faking a smile...
No more insults
no more hope -
it is over as
I learn to cope.
No one can say
that I don't try -
even when
I wonder why...
I do it all
once again -
whether I lose
or even win...
Living life
on the edge -
makes me know
that I pledge...
to give it all
my very best -
win or lose
it's all a test.
Shot down
to the ground -
why am I
even around...
Surely there's
a better place -
wasted life
waste of space...
why is it
I even try -
I sit and ask
myself why...
Nothing is here
nothing is new -
they are rude
through and through...
Always treated
with disdain -
a nothing life
a losing game...
Quiet as
I always am -
frankly I don't
give a damn.
You know what
you need to do -
be see through
it's nothing new...
Don't reach out
don't appear -
be unavailable
and never near...
Don't respond
not at all -
don't text back
avoid the call...
They are not
on your side -
the truth is that
they always lied.
Once again
I guess I'll see -
if this one is
right for me...
All I can do
is try again -
ignore the negative
and don't give in...
to their words
that hurt the heart -
learn to never
fall apart...
as I'm held
bound with glue -
until I make my
dreams come true.
I've learned well
to avoid them all -
keep quite quiet
and safely small...
Just look away
never on display...
You don't belong
with them anyway...
So much rudeness
so much strife -
I won't deal
in this worldly life...
So many times
I learn once more -
to just walk away
and shut that door.
The rain comes down
the vines soak it in -
quenching their thirst
as it's summer again...
Soft soaking warmth
trickle down the trees -
as they sway with the wind
and enjoy the breeze...
Green all around
flowers blooming pink -
enjoying the shower
guzzling the drink...
as I get to watch
from my desk view -
feeling gratitude that
it's what I get to do.
It was another
waste of time -
something that wasn't
ever mine...
I tried my best
then walked away -
there is nothing
left to say...
I guess I really
do not care -
life is hard
and never fair...
So here I go
once again -
will I ever
finally win?
