Mortar

Where you went
just stay there -
don't act like
you somehow care...

Quit thinking
there's anything -
go and take
whatever you bring....

I'll be fine
I'll finally sleep -
I never realized
it could be so deep...

as I rebuild
my aching heart -
never again
will I fall apart.

Great Things

I'm definitely
going to make it -
No more
having to fake it...

Great things
are coming through -
I'm learning
what I must do...

To break away
from the bad -
and escape the
negative that I had...

Embracing all
the shiny new -
as great things
are coming through!

Silence

I'm ok
with the quiet -
I survived
the actual riot...

I learned
and went away -
got on my knees
and learned to pray...

I'm healed
of the pain -
my self-esteem
I can regain...

as I try
to understand why -
I do the things
to make me die.

Back Space

Deleted
out of my life -
I'm not your girl
and not your wife...

I'm so glad
that it is done -
you weren't cool
and I wasn't the one...

who really cared
a thing for you -
I'm thankful
we are through.

Dead

I don't
anymore -
actually no one
for sure...

I did
I suppose -
but that's how
life goes...

Empty
and clear -
of emotions
held dear...

Stone
and a wall -
I have built
sky tall.

Kettle

Yes I do
wish for you -
all the karma
you put me through...

You're not good
in fact you're bad -
I hope you reap
all that I had...

I see your face
and it makes me smile -
for it will come
it might take a while...

Just be prepared
with that heart so cold -
it will come back
and it will be three fold.

Dirt Roads

The journey
long and uphill -
yet as I climb
I've learned to feel...

Not everything
will last forever -
ties will bind
and ties will sever...

I have to believe
in God's plan -
and learn to believe
in who I am...

I have to let go
of the wrong choices -
while listening to
the right voices.

Chapters

I didn't even
want that time -
It's done and
I am fine...

I'm not sure
what happened there -
I no longer have
strength to care...

I guess growth
comes in many ways -
sometimes it takes
your hardest days...

to lead you where
you need to be -
and make decisions
best for me.

September Rides

Do you still ride
horses beneath the sun  -
when life was new
and we had just begun...

To learn all of what
it meant to be alive -
how I would love
to go back and ride...

with you in the front
and me holding tight -
smiling and laughing
such a beautiful sight...

It all started
when I found your ring -
where did the time go
and what did it bring...

So many mistakes
so many heartbreaks -
we didn't know then
how life would take...

the wind from our sails
and our innocent minds -
this evil world sure
changed over time...

I miss those days
and what we used to do -
from deep in my heart
I very much miss you.

Stung

Just scrolling
and it stung like a bee -
I saw the picture
and it should be me...

I let them take
my pride away -
I so regret
that horrible day...

Never again
will I let someone -
help me do things
that can't be undone...

I'll put the blame
all on me -
for blinding myself
to where I couldn't see.

Laying Bricks

Even in my dreams
I hid away -
regretting that I ever
saw the day...

That my decisions
were wrong for me -
maybe it happened
so it will be...

I never again trust
belief in what I see -
as I build the wall
to protect me.

No More

Never ever
ever again -
I'm not your girl
and I'm not your friend..,

Just go
where you already went -
I've wasted too
much time and spent...

more than enough
time on you -
I'm so glad you're gone
I'm through.

Story Book

Just freaking
amazing wow -
glad to see
I found out now...

There really is
no one there -
to believe in
or actually care...

Anything about
your life -
goodbye and
to all a good night.

Parking Spot

No it doesn't
cross the mind -
of anything
that was left behind...

the pizza
or the funny show -
when they decide
it's time to go...

the heels or all
the thoughtful ways -
you tried to give
them better days...

so go on and let
them disappear -
because they
didn't belong here.

Regrets

Yes I've found
that it's true -
some people come along
just to use you...

Then you watch
them tear your life apart -
messing up your mind
and breaking your heart...

While you're left
to pick up the sky high pile -
of everything that's broken
trying to find your smile.

Knife

In the back
just like that -
pushed deep
a surprise attack...

but I got it
out of me -
and forged ahead
the chains are free...

I found it's true
and I see -
it wasn't someone
meant for me...

because someone
who deserves my time -
would never attack
me from behind.

Doorbell

No thanks,
I'll pass -
put your foot on the pedal
and push the gas...

Go really far
like another state -
and don't look back
enjoy your fate...

because you make
me shiver inside -
I'm so glad you're gone
and pushed aside...

you were a fake
and full of lies -
so enjoy your life
and goodbye.

Goodbye

I guess I
just wonder why -
but I see
I didn't die...

why did the road
twist that way -
as I wonder
what did I say...

It seemed so easy
to walk away -
as the color red
fades to grey.

Locked

The door closed
slammed from behind -
I woke up one day
to a new mind...

No longer willing
to be anyone's mat -
I forged ahead
so done with that...

No longer able
to even care -
who had left
or who was there...

I picked myself
up off the floor -
and closed the door
forever more.

Bread Crumbs

I just can't see
the forest for the trees -
I just can't seem
to set myself free...

I can't even face
any more bad news -
or another broken heart
that leaves me with the blues...

I don't understand
what I did anyway -
I've gotten on my knees
God knows I pray...

I know in my heart
I've tried every day -
I just can't see
how I lost my way.

Fingers

Funny that
I actually do -
from my heart
I hate you...

I wish you
the worst luck -
and no I couldn't
give a fuck...

I hope you meet
all your karma too -
you deserve it as
I fucking hate you.

Erase

I won't anymore
because I don't care -
I won't search
trying to find what is there...

I'm so glad
it is all in my past -
I won't try to make
the memories last...

In fact already
they are fading away -
I wish I never went
that very first day.

Patio

Full circle
with a twist -
who knew it would
turn out like this...

the latest lips
that made me come -
are from where
I had first begun...

Now I know
I'll make it through -
with the ones I want
who want me too.

Flight

She ran
ran so far away -
to hide from
the tears of that day...

to empty all
the vain attempts at love -
to realize she
has all she's dreaming of...

to walk away
from voices not to be -
the guidance to
where she will be free.

Wisdom

I knew,
and now I know -
enough to let it
all go...

I was shown
the whole story -
before I had my
fall from glory...

when what is said
and what is done -
are different things
I was the one...

who figured out
and turned away -
I'm so thankful
for that day.

Bling

You hurt me
it won't happen again -
I have the insight
for my heart to win...

My own smile
My shattered self esteem -
when you're gone
you don't mean a thing...

so don't try
to act as though you care -
because when you do
you'll see that I'm not there.

Yep

It's fresh
and it's new -
doing what
I want to do...

Letting go
of what's behind -
taking control
of things this time..

Glad to see
some are here -
glad to know
that this year...

I will be
free and clear -
from those who don't
belong here.

Porch Light

Like the plaque
I ran away -
can't even try
to face that day...

afraid of what
I might see -
afraid sometimes
to just be me...

Hidden like
a quiet mouse -
tucked away
inside my house...

No I can't
come out to play -
once they're gone
leave it that way.

Buried

Whatever
I could not care -
you never were
even there...

Just a user
with a smile -
who I believed
in denial...

Now it's gone
what never was -
I'm going to change
just because...

I won't let trash
rot my head -
I won't hope for
what is dead.

Bible

Will they choose
to give into their sin -
or will they decide
to let the angels win...

Will they act upon
all their fleshly desire -
or will they gamble
on the promised scripted fire...

Will they bow their heads
and seek in prayer -
for deep inside us all
we knew he was there...

or will they choose
to look away with pride -
and turn their back on
the son he sent that died...

to take our place
when death becomes real -
as we stand before our Lord
where every man will kneel.

Locks

When something
is not meant to be -
fate will let you know
so you can be free...

The truth always
somehow makes a way -
to make sure you
are not led astray...

When the door
is closed nice and tight -
you can be assured
it was what was right.

Delete

It's strange that
I don't care anymore -
I'm free from all
of what happened before...

I don't love
or even like who is gone -
I can't believe
I let that all go on...

It makes me sick
when I see their face -
stupid things I did
I can never ever erase.

Success

I try as
I look up the hill -
holding my cup
and trying to fill...

it up so high
it will overflow -
and cleanse my heart
so that I will know...

I tried my best
choosing the right ways -
that led me to
my happiest days.

Holes

The pick
and the ice -
what now is cold
used to be so nice...

Realization
it was dead -
because it knew
where it was lead...

Stares that show
empty eyes -
all the shadows
to despise...

Nothing left
and nothing there -
the chill left it
lifeless and bare.

Gone

Disappeared
but was already gone -
never again
will I keep on...

trying to make
up for those times -
The only choice
is to put it behind.

White Out

After you
see the lie -
let it go
and let it die...

don't let hate
control your heart -
just move on
don't fall apart...

once someone
proves they don't care -
erase the past
and leave them there.

Never

I see the truth
and I see you -
there is no reason
to go back to...

Just wasted life
and wasted time -
I didn't even think
about what was mine...

I never wanted
to be with you -
and it is something
I will never go back to.

Thankful

I picked myself up
after the fall -
and realized that I
actually have it all...

I have everything
that I ever dreamed -
I am now living
what had always seemed...

so out of reach
and not meant for me -
yet, here I am in love
happy and free!

Cleansed

Sometimes
we make mistakes -
you think it's love
then it's too late...

to take back what
you wish you could -
in hindsight
it was never good...

So accept the fact
the bad is gone -
and smile as you
move happily on.

Wave

I didn't want it
so I let it go -
now it's a life
I used to know...

Manifesting
the coming time -
where I am happy
and success is mine...

to make all
my dreams come true -
I had to say goodbye
to what I knew.

Silent

When it's time
to let them go -
cut it off
and let them know...

by your silence
you are gone -
that it is time
to move on...

and look back
when it's all done -
happy because
they weren't the one...

You needed
within your soul -
it was time
to let them go.

Acceptance

I don't have
to be on the road
as rain is pouring down...

I don't have
to face anyone
I don't want to be around...

I'm safe and
I am so secure
as I'm tucked away...

I always used
to dream of this
and wanted this each day...

So now I have
what I knew
would happen at some time...

I can let got
and see what's true
and enjoy this life of mine.

Regrets

I guess the one good thing
I can say...

is that I quietly
walked away...

I didn't force or keep on
with trying...

even though at the time
I was dying...

I kept it all within
myself...

I gave it all my own
self help...

I crossed the bridge
and didn't fall in...

I still don't know
what I was thinking then.

Voicemail

After a while
the constant chipping
leaves you incapable
to feel anything...

As you find
you are only numb
and never available
to feel any pain...

There is no reason
to rise in the morning
or any reason
to try at all...

As you find
you are only existing
because you can't
make the final call.

Ghost

I will never
see you again -
I've accepted
this undeniable end...

I don't want
to even hear your name -
I've left behind
what was insane...

I won't cry
or look to the sky -
I won't pray
or hope I die...

because you tore
my heart into -
I will never again
see you.

Goodbye

I'm letting go
I'm moving on -
I'm accepting
what is long gone...

It hurt my heart
it hurt my mind -
but now I see
it was the time...

To move away
and set it free -
those who weren't
meant to be for me.

Mistakes

I guess they can say what
they want to say
it's probably true...

drag it through the dirt
with a big x mark
target to shoot to...

I wish I'd never even met
anyone of them
and it wasn't true...

the things that happened
and the regretful decisions
that I can't undo.

Yuck

It wasn't me
It was you -
so glad to heaven
it is through...

I don't even know
how I fell -
into that nonsense
and into hell...

I'm not even sure
what I was thinking -
listening to a no one
my self esteem shrinking...

You are nothing
and now I see -
it was you
it wasn't me.

Karma

Well well well
what the freaking hell -
you never can know
and you never can tell...

I guess that karma
really does have a way -
of quietly popping up
and surprising you one day...

Just when you think
those that did you wrong -
will never have to face it
and happily go along...

You see for yourself
after they stabbed you in the back -
they eventually turn around
and get their own knife attack.

Changes

I've been hurt
lost my self esteem -
been a victim of
the nice and the mean...

Been let go
and walked away -
cried many tears
on many a day...

I'm trying now
to change for good -
to do the things
I know I should...

To repair this heart
and right the wrong -
to do what I wish
I had done all along.

Bye

No contact
ever again -
not your family
and not your friend...

learning now
there is no one -
I need in my life
or in my home...

I found the truth
and the way out -
protecting myself
without a doubt...

because they
all lied to you -
so never contact
and be totally through.

It Happened

So very glad that
I weeded the weeds out -
so stupid I see
was me without a doubt...

I can't believe
I lowered myself so low -
now I am amazed at
how far I'm going to go...

with the fluttering wings
and the prayer from above -
I'm done with that darkness
and living what I dreamed of.

The Years

Went through the pictures
So much has changed -
Yet, as I look
Some have remained the same...

Maybe what is gone
needed to go on and go -
and what left with death
was God's perfect choice so...

I have to accept
everything happens for a reason -
some people are for life
and some for just a season...

I can't keep kicking myself
for all the mistakes I've made -
I can't take anything back
with time I supposed they'll fade...

All I can do now
is pursue what is in store -
and learn from all I've lived
letting go of what is no more.

Clicked

Snapped
out of it -
I will get as
good as I can get...

Smart
and moved on -
I'm actually glad
that it is all gone...

Solitude
and relaxing for me -
putting my focus
on where it should be.

Up Hill

If somebody walks
just let them go -
You learned a lesson
and now you know...

They weren't meant
to be there for you -
the season you shared
is officially through...

So onto the next
new lessons to live -
and never look back
they have nothing to give.

Missing You Always

You visited me
last night in my dream -
to eat a hamburger
and you seemed...

quite fine and happy
totally at peace -
I woke from the dream
with complete ease...

but I thought of you
and how I miss your smile -
the day you left
was the hardest in a while...

you made the impression
that will never fade -
the day that you died
was one of my worst days.

Photographs

So I sit and wonder
what now -
will I survive happily
some how?

Is the road I've followed
good for me -
Do I have an ever after
that is happy?

Did I do the right thing
once again -
how will this crazy story
ever end?

Will I smile and realize
one day -
everything had to happen
this way.

Peaceful

It's quiet,
just the smooth jazz -
I'm learning
to trust what I have...

I remember
the goals from then -
as I apply
putting my life to them...

Cutting ties
with things that held me down -
allowing only positive
to be what is around.

Saved

The power
that heals -

sent angels
to reveal -

how stupid
I've been -

and lost
in complete sin -

then I was
saved -

from those
horrible days.

Thank you God.

Bye Haters

There is
a lot of good
in this cruel sad world...

and I want
to be the shining
good girl...

I'm making
a turning
point finally...

I will
now only
believe in me.

Freedom

What it is that
I'm failing to see -
is that I am
completely free...

I don't have to deal
with anyone -
I can spend my days
just having fun...

I don't have to drive
in concrete hell -
I don't have to listen
to anyone tell...

me what I
should think or do -
out with the old
and onto the new!!

Goals

It's gone
because I let it go...

I've learned
and only I can know...

I've felt
pain and happiness...

I've made
my own type of mess...

I've decided
to start fresh and new...

I'm dedicated
to do all I can do.

Small Seats

Dear God
I'm going to
Florida today...

Thank God
I get to
get away...

Refresh
and cleanse
and leave it behind...

Focus
on myself
and try to be kind...

To my
self esteem
that is ripped away...

Dear God
let me find it
and show me the way.

Answered Prayers

Just be quiet
disappear -
You'll look back
in about a year...

and see how stupid
you have been -
and feel so silly
to remember when...

you almost threw it
all away -
you'll be glad for this
some day.

Will

You will
laugh again...

You will
be glad for the end...

You will
move on with life...

You will
love being the wife...

You will
feel healthy one day...

You will
be glad you walked away.

Awake

Hated and
manipulated -
verbally abused
more than one time...

Life vest
strapped -
to my chest
to save this life of mine...

Lied to
deceived -
eyes of hate
stabbed from behind...

Truth shines
brightly -
awoken to reality
I'm awake this time.

Tremble

Nothing -
Exactly what
you're going to do...

Never -
look back
it really wasn't you...

Shaking -
I see
what is really true.

Healing

You will look back
and see for sure -
this was what you needed
to endure...

It's for the best
as all things change -
and really it doesn't
mean anything...

Except it is
the best for you -
out with the old
and onto the new.

Deleted

I deleted anything
to do with you -
the pictures, emails
what we went through...

I closed it all
and shut it away -
it's gone and now
it's a brand new day...

You weren't good
at all for me -
you were about yourself
and now I see...

how you blamed it
all on my mind -
but you were the one
that was the angry kind.

Left

I don't know
what I did -
Stupid decisions
lived...

Saw the numbers
and wasted smiles -
living alone
and in denial...

I guess I'll go
and get away -
maybe that
is where I'll stay.

Next

Saw for myself
the outed traitor -
the one who was
the instigator...

the one who said
it's only change -
the one who is
what is deranged...

the one I hope
I never see again -
this chapter has
reached the end.

LIE

It can't be over
if it never was -
believing someone
just because...

living a lie
so stupid to see -
the dumbass fool
again was me....

Goodbye sweetheart
you were a lie -
and I can say
finally goodbye.

Numb

It just doesn't
matter anymore -
the water has iced
like never before...

There is no feeling
it is all gone -
I don't even care
what lies beyond...

The eyes are dead
a distant sight -
goodbye to it all
and goodnight.

Moving On

This I promise
to myself -
to never again
feel like I felt...

No more headaches
and broken hearts -
to never care and
just never start...

Never trust
what I hear -
this is now
crystal clear.

Good Riddance

They do not know

and do not care -

so why pursue

what is not there...

In solitude 

I'll find my way -

on my own

until my dying day.

Saved

I'm going
to be alright -
It was with myself
that I had the fight...

Always worried
they didn't want me -
how could I
have lived so blindly...

It was I
who didn't want them -
filled with terror
lost in sin...

I'm actually glad
that I am now free -
the one who was lost
and found was me.

Glass Shards

I won't reach out
to touch anything -
it's the only way
to avoid the sting...

I won't look back
or figure it out -
it's time to learn
to go without...

I won't try
to mend broken glass -
that is shattered into
and would never last...

with only epoxy
to hold it together -
the cut it left
was there to sever...

any attachment
to something not real -
the pain of the cut
left nothing to feel.

Bling

Never again -
This my friend
was the end...

who even -
cares anymore
there is no score...

and it will -
be forever
no more.

Left

A new leaf
has turned over -
the spring blew
the past behind...

I have wished
on the four leaf clover -
and I have found
what is mine...

I don't need
what is behind me -
what I've left
is far away...

So I can smile
for in reality -
I have found
a brand new day.

Space

What have I
learned -
I suppose it's
all earned...

The only good
I can say -
is being able
to hide away...

Maybe
it was time -
and maybe
I'll be fine...

After all
they are gone -
and I finally
move on.

Silence

Another one
gone..
Once again
I move on...

Learning
one more time...
To trust
this life of mine...

Is not
to be shared...
with those
who supposedly cared...

but really
needed more...
than you
could provide for.

Tears

Everything changes
year after year...
in a blink of an eye
what you hold dear...

is gone in a second
leaving you in the dust...
where do you turn
and who do you trust...

Not really sure
what I should think...
sit alone and cry or
crawl in a hole and shrink...

Memories came
but are left far behind...
with everyone's tears
especially mine.

Path

Left
far away
in the past...

Right
I see
parts of me...

Dormant
coming alive
I can thrive...

Vision
to follow
no longer hollow.

Fortune Cookie

I just don't know -
I suppose I'll find out...

What's ahead -
what it's all about...

It was the blind -
that lead the way...

At least I hid -
and went away...

There may be -
a future breakthrough...

To try once again -
is all I can do.

Kingdom

The fool
looked in the mirror
and asked the reflection...

What have I learned? -

The reflection
looked back said
apparently nothing -

Any success is earned.

Whatever it is
that keeps you awake
or allows you to sleep in peace...

Knowing the difference
between what you want
and what you need -

is what will set you free.

Tall Trees

Not sure why
all the hate...
I never did anything
to them anyway...

I'll build my walls
and protect my heart...
I'll save myself
before I fall apart...

Find my privacy
no matter how...
no matter the price
I won't give up now...

Hide and seek
and run far away...
I don't care anymore
what they think or say.

Blank Slate

Alone -
in a million ways...
by myself
in a lonely haze...

Just trying to be
what I want inside...
I can't even count
the tears I've cried...

Learning to live
understanding life...
dealing with anxiety
and so much strife...

Yet, I will try
to make it through...
as I wonder
what do I do?

Chords

Oatmeal cookies
after school -
the fire going
in the brick hearth...

My mom teaching
all the piano lessons -
little naps
on the blue bean bag...

Innocent times
with not much money -
dinner was welcome
the sink of dishes weren't...

The radio played
appropriate music -
the TV aired
appropriate shows...

People had class
and spoke with integrity -
unlike now
such a spite filled world...

I'll close my eyes
and think of when -
there was a time
I would live again.

Away

Nobody
or anywhere..

Hide away
it's finally fair...

Out of touch
and locked away...

Where I live
where I'll stay...

There is no one
I want to see...

Just me alone
finally free.

Passage

Foggy
absent of light,
Uncertain path -

Running
a new direction,
pacing myself -

Looking
over my shoulder,
but why -

Laughing
through the tears,
new life.

Check Mark

Run away
don't ever look back..

Focus on your strengths
and not what you lack...

Leave them all
in the dust behind...

Change your views
and change your mind...

You don't owe
anyone anything...

Just disappear
and find a new dream...

Live quiet and alone
and just being you...

Turn a new stone over
as you will get through.

Circus

Hidden
and humiliated
once again embarrassed -

the shame game...

Disappear
just gone
never see anyone -

forget my name...

Maybe
after years
and changing everything -

I can regain...

Hope
new growth
self esteem established -

and the end of pain.

Kiss

It's done, and it's quiet,
and that's ok
I have nothing left to say...

what a ride it all has been
I didn't try
and I didn't win...

at least not yet
because I foresee
finally happy times for me.

Faithful

I care about my dogs
more than anything...

Just to be with them
and the joy they bring...

Sweet and soft
so furry too...

My precious angels
I so love you...

Through all my life
my best friends were...

Covered in love
Covered in fur...

I'm so thankful
as I snuggle them to me...
 
That I love them
and they love me.

Flowers

It's weird
how you move on -
You look back
and they are all gone...

People that
you used to know -
you forget their names
and on you go...

But they meant
something to you -
life went bye
and you were through...

with that time
you won't have again -
but I'll never forget
a true and honest friend.

Smile

The truth is
you're going to die -
I don't know how
and I don't know why...

But one day
your breath will end -
Deny it all you want
but that's how it ends ...

So everyone
that is wise should see -
enjoy your damn life
take it from me.

Stars

Flowing -
like the river
and the stream...

Flying -
experiencing all
kinds of different things...

Seeing -
things I've never
seen before...

Freeing -
because it's not
my life anymore...

Happy -
because I
can chose what I pursue...

While watching -
my real dreams
come true.

Fireplace

There is no place
I'd rather be -
than in my home
quiet and free...

My furry friends
beneath my feet -
the sounds of my home
are so sweet...

Safe and secure
away from the crazy -
my private oasis
to be nice and lazy...

I love to be
just tucked away -
I thank God above
for where I stay.

Crock Pot

Stepped upon
then walked on -
until all trace of
hope is gone...

Pushed quite
far away -
with all of
the perks at bay...

Never meant
much of anything -
a phony life
with a phony ring.

Bye

I actually cared
I don't know why...
the reality is
we're all going to die...

Even the ones
who did you wrong -
who laughed in your face
as they strung you along...

who used you daily
for their own greed -
then threw you away
but you were freed...

from all the stress
and people who should go -
out of your life
that you don't need to know.

So I say goodbye
can't say I miss it -
I believe it is true
I no longer give a shit!