It was exciting
flying so high -
seeing the sights
soaring through the sky...
Eyes wide open
wind blowing fast -
never thinking
it would not last...
Promises laid out
deals made in pen -
until disappointment
happened again...
The heavy door closed
slammed in the face -
no longer feasting
in the golden place...
Packing up memories
that ended too soon -
crashing to the ground
in a hot air balloon.
Reaching out
into the darkness
blinded by no light -
Swimming endlessly
in rapid currents
it is fight or flight...
Ego eccentric
from bygone days
is far from sight...
Angels smiling
at cornered demons
ready now to fight...
Broken clocks
death bells knock
deciding when it might....
End confusion
and past illusion
during the final night.
It's about to get
really real -
I'm about to see
how I really feel...
Everything is
going to be -
changed in
some compacity...
It is one thing
or another -
being a wife
and a mother...
I will always
be here too -
when love is all
you can do.
Numerous times
I believed in something
that didn't even exist...
Blindly following
fake smiles and lies
sealed with a kiss...
Words are spoken
never to be believed
awaiting the diss...
Pretzels and ice cream
the salty and sweet
sugar coated bliss.
With spring around the corner
will I find new life -
because I feel so down
dealing with constant strife...
I am trying to see sunshine
and appreciate each day -
But sometimes it is easier
to keep the sun far away...
I hide in my turmoil
then drown in my tears -
questioning what I have left
and how many more years...
I don't see much hope
why should I even care -
I am just existing
sick and tired of being there.
I can't save the world
I can just abide -
I couldn't even keep
my precious dog alive...
I can't be a savior
or heal the dying -
I can't prolong life
or stop all the crying...
I can only be the best
person I can be -
and believe in my heart
there is eternity...
Where all of this mess
will drift far away -
I will try my best
to live each day...
Striving to be someone
that others will see -
I care about them more
that I care about me...
and bring a smile
to those that are broken -
lifting them up with
gentle words spoken.
Now what
I supposed it is me -
why can't I
leave it all be...
Maybe it's time
to kick the can -
the wrong place
is wherever I am...
It never works out
only for a time -
nothing is really
meant to be mine...
quiet as a mouse
hidden away -
closing the door
as I walk away.
Here I sit just
two weeks in -
it seems that
I can not win...
I'm very sick and
on my own -
Yet, I'm happy
to be all alone...
This year has been
a crappy start -
my dog died
and broke my heart...
Now I sit with
some kind of flu -
I wish I could
just make it true...
Finally move to
the salty air -
because I am over
and do not care...
to live here
even one more day -
I need to finally
move far away.
I stand alone
and from afar -
way away from
where they are...
I've always been
quite intrigued -
though to them
I mean nothing...
but I longed
to go there when -
I was young
about to begin...
My favorite trip
was the PCH -
I'd go back
I wouldn't hesitate...
My prayers
are lifted there -
Broke or rich
I truly care.
There's only one set of paw prints
when there should be two -
it's now been a week
since I devastatingly lost you...
The snow comes down
I wish you were here to see -
I know you'd run around
searching for squirrels under your tree...
I am so heart broken
can you hear me call your name -
I have accepted my life
will never be the same...
No one will ever
understand how I feel -
I keep waking up
wishing this wasn't real...
My love my angel
I need you next to me -
Just like the weather
I am left cold and so icy.
I'll head home
you won't be there -
I'll search for you
everywhere...
Buddy will whine
and look around -
but my baby
won't be found...
I will endure
another night -
missing you
tucked in tight..
So many things
we did every day -
now I cry
the night away.
