I don't want to
but I have to let you go -
the pain that this causes me
is more than you could know...
My heart still loves you
but I can't cry anymore -
I can't change the outcome
so what am I trying for...
I will still talk to you
and pray to meet you soon -
especially when I'm alone
tucked up safely in my room...
I think you would want me
to go and live happily -
as I keep your memory near
within my heart safely.
Well I made it
another year -
thanks to God
I am still here...
Great things
are up ahead -
I wouldn't live them
if I were dead...
So thank you God
for this birthday -
I get really sad
but not today...
I will give
my thanks to you -
because it's you
who got me through...
many trials
and turbulent times -
but those are now
left far behind...
I see the beach
with a new zip code -
Come on God
I'm ready for the road.
Tick Tock
I watch the clock -
knowing this isn't
all I've got...
I see the sun
smiling on me -
where I am gone
and I am free...
I'll never see you
ever again -
I can not wait
until then...
For now I will
stay far away -
waiting until
that excellent day.
It cuts like a knife
yet numbs the pain -
it's all in a past
I won't live again...
So many regrets
just useless sighs -
it is a long way
from the last goodbyes...
Pointless searching
answers here and there -
though life has changed
everywhere...
The future's ahead
the past is behind -
keep searching for any
happiness to find.
I push it down
I pray it away -
even though
It shows up each day...
Am I wasting
what time is left -
what is given
and what is theft...
because I don't
feel it anymore -
I don't even know
what I'm here for...
I think it finally
reached the end -
I won't go through
this again.
It's ok to
change your mind -
things change
through time...
What once was
completely fun -
now seems so
over and done...
Maybe it's age
but I see -
nothing matters
much to me...
Except what
I keep near -
it's getting smaller
with each year...
So live these days
and try to smile -
we are only here
for a while.
It was exciting
flying so high -
seeing the sights
soaring through the sky...
Eyes wide open
wind blowing fast -
never thinking
it would not last...
Promises laid out
deals made in pen -
until disappointment
happened again...
The heavy door closed
slammed in the face -
no longer feasting
in the golden place...
Packing up memories
that ended too soon -
crashing to the ground
in a hot air balloon.
Reaching out
into the darkness
blinded by no light -
Swimming endlessly
in rapid currents
it is fight or flight...
Ego eccentric
from bygone days
is far from sight...
Angels smiling
at cornered demons
ready now to fight...
Broken clocks
death bells knock
deciding when it might....
End confusion
and past illusion
during the final night.
It's about to get
really real -
I'm about to see
how I really feel...
Everything is
going to be -
changed in
some compacity...
It is one thing
or another -
being a wife
and a mother...
I will always
be here too -
when love is all
you can do.
Numerous times
I believed in something
that didn't even exist...
Blindly following
fake smiles and lies
sealed with a kiss...
Words are spoken
never to be believed
awaiting the diss...
Pretzels and ice cream
the salty and sweet
sugar coated bliss.
With spring around the corner
will I find new life -
because I feel so down
dealing with constant strife...
I am trying to see sunshine
and appreciate each day -
But sometimes it is easier
to keep the sun far away...
I hide in my turmoil
then drown in my tears -
questioning what I have left
and how many more years...
I don't see much hope
why should I even care -
I am just existing
sick and tired of being there.
